"That scarecrow is TOTALLY checking you out."
~A guy at SALT, to me, about a painted scarecrow on the wall

"Aaagh! I'll never be able to have children because of you!"
"But you just said you wanted to be a nun."
"Oh, yeah."
~Two girls at The Crib, throwing Skittles at each other

"so, what exactly are nonuts? like donuts without holes?"
"nono she means a fruit cake with no nuts...like sans-nuts."

two of my friends watching charlie and the chocolate factory

"She's so into that damn sissy ice skater."
"Hockey player."
"What?"
"He's a hockey player."
"Fine. So he's a toothless sissy ice skater. Still not seeing it."

--two drunk-sounding guys at Illegal Pete's. Boulder, CO.

Sometimes I think there should be a category for "Drunk."

"confidence is that feeling you get right before you really understand the problem."

-a church sign in iowa

this is from the same church that brought us "if ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?"

"I just want a wedding. I don't even want a husband right now. I just want a wedding."

-- Some random chick in a Target store, San Diego, California

Seen: a tractor-trailer (or as they say in England, a lorry) with a bumper sticker that read "Girls Show Me Your Hooters".

Seen a moment later: my son pulling up his shirt and pressing his chest against the window as we passed the truck.

Okay, so maybe I did teach him that...

"...our sole purpose in this world is to do God's will."

*whispered* "So does that mean that we're all just God's bitch?"

--A preacher, and one fourteen year old boy to another in a Baptist church. This was followed by an elderly woman whipping her head around so quickly that by all rights her neck should have snapped.

Okay, yes, one of those boys is related to me. But I didn't teach him that...

Discussing Cheez-its with WebGuy Dave, Eric and Chris.
Dave seemed to be a little confused as to which cracker Cheez-its were.
Chris: "They're like Cheese Nips, but without the racial slur."
This then prompted Dave to add "Oh, yes, Cheez-its, Cheese Nips and the unsuccessful Cheese Chinks"

--this was a few years ago back in the college computing center.

Me: I'm still deeply amused by the phrase "large advertising medium."
Jessica: What, like Miss Cleo?


in regards to some Ad Copy I was reviewing.