New slogans for my life...
Submitted by paul on Mon, 11/28/2005 - 4:21pm. Beautiful
"Fate is not etched in stone, it's scrawled in wet concrete."

"Unique in expressiveness and mis-understandable to many."

--two odd bits of conversation from the weekend
I guess I'm glad I'm a size 10...
Submitted by paul on Thu, 09/15/2005 - 6:40am. Funny
"I'm sorry, but no one who wears size 17 shoes has any business wearing sandals!"

--a manufacturing associate at work, talking to a maintenance tech.
Ummmm... I'm not anywhere near your sandwich...
Submitted by paul on Fri, 09/09/2005 - 5:04am. Bizarre
"Hey! Get your feet out of my sandwich!"

--my Mom standing in the kitchen, scolding the cat
The drawbacks of a security clearance...
Submitted by paul on Mon, 08/08/2005 - 11:26am. Other
"Then there were these two guys who managed to- ...damn, I can't tell you that one because it's still classified..."

--Sonambulist, sitting at my kitchen table

That's right, I've met yet another IP regular. Very funny guy, a lot of fun to hang out with.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Submitted by paul on Mon, 07/25/2005 - 4:48pm. Graffiti
Seen: a campaign sticker for some local politician named Pratt, in the rear window of a Volvo. The driver was going about 10 mph below the posted speed limit on a busy city street, causing cars to merge and flow by her in the right hand lane (it's four lanes, even though it's in a 30 mph residential area.) Basically, she was driving very badly.

I think the sticker was a very appropriate label for her.
Sexism turned on its head...
Submitted by paul on Sat, 06/18/2005 - 8:55pm. Ironic
"Sir, I'm afraid your shirt doesn't meet our dress code. We don't allow tank shirts."

"Why not? You're wearing one. Why can't he?"

"This isn't a tank shirt, it's a sleeveless blouse."

"Well then, maybe his is a blouse too!"

"Yeah, that's it! I just wanted to feel pretty today!" *fluffing hair*

--A bartender, a friend of a guy in a tank shirt, and the guy in the tank shirt, at Capital Alehouse

The bartender ended up giving the guy a free tee shirt to wear over the tank. Jeez, maybe I should give that tactic a try...
Boys will be boys...
Submitted by paul on Mon, 06/13/2005 - 8:02pm. Funny
"Kevin, look at this tree... Stop hitting it!"

--A mother to her boy, who was using a stick to slash at a leafy branch over his head.

Been there. They still do it as teens, but just on a different level now.
Truly heard in passing...
Submitted by paul on Sun, 05/22/2005 - 4:42am. Funny
"......if my dad's not grumpy! I think he's taking a nap or something."

--a little girl riding by the house on her bike talking to her friend

One wonders just what it is she wants her dad to do and one also wonders if she's keen on the fact that if he is taking a nap then he's sure to be grumpy if she wakes him up for anything less than a house on fire or to tell him he's won the lottery.

(Overheard by my girlfriend, not me. The above commentary is hers too.)
At least she suffers under no illusions...
Submitted by paul on Tue, 07/20/2004 - 7:01am. Funny
Daughter: "Dad, something really went wrong with you."

Me (indignantly): "Hey, blame them!" (pointing toward her grandparents) "They're the ones who raised me!"
Non-sequitor, anyone?...
Submitted by paul on Mon, 07/19/2004 - 2:52pm. Beautiful
"It wasn't that Woody was fat, it was that I had to twist as I came up because of the coffee maker."

--my girlfriend, describing how she injured her back while picking up a cat. And no, it still makes no sense to me.