Zac (reading a fortune cookie): "Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life..."
Joe: "Your happiness is intertwined with my COCK!"

SUNY Binghamton, New York

"Hey, Mom, what'd you do to your passenger mirror?"
"Who says all accidents have to be me?"
"Uh, the policeman who has to keep coming out to fill out your reports. So, what happened to the mirror?"
"Your dad and I went for a drive on my birthday and I was wearing that sweater you gave me. I had a hot flash so I took it off. While I was doing that, your dad was distracted by my chestal region, and he hit a mailbox that jumped out into the road."
My mom and I discussing the lack of a passenger side mirror on their van. It's sort of sweet to know that my dad still looks at my mom that way, but really, it's squicky.

"Sarah Lawrence has all vegan dorm rooms, but Grinnell has pipe cleaning day..."
"I'm glad to see where all this tuition money is going towards."

-A girl and her mom at the library, assumedly researching colleges on a computer. The girl was obviously in distress on which college to choose.

"Peas! Peas! I love peas! I love pea-pea-pea-peas! They're mushy! And gushy! And pea-pea-pea-peas! Yum!"
~A girl at the girls' retreat, as she was eating lukewarm peas with her fingers

"Well, look at him. You can see his underwear. And his shirt is unbuttoned. He's showing his..."
"Washboard abs?"
"Yeah. I guess if I had some, I'd show them off too. But in your senior pictures?"
"I still want to get mine taken on a white couch in the middle of some woods. I think it'd be artistic."
"Maybe you could convince some woodland critters to pose with you. How's that for artistic?"
"Hmm...it's all fun and games until some rabid squirrel bites your ankle."


-A mom and her daughter discussing senior portraits

[OUR] INFLUENCE: Hard to measure, but the magazine is much quoted, reprinted, anthologized, and cussed at.
__________
Commonweal Magazine's website holding information about itself.

"It couldn't have been that bad."
"That's easy for you to say. You weren't the one that saw him trying to do the naked high jump over the hood of the car and go bouncing off."
--Two guys talking in front of the local library.

"So did someone try to break into the church yet?"

- woman on Ottawa street, in Ottawa, with a very noticeable hick accent

"Should I bring the other muffin up?

A woman speaking to the cashier assistant at Costco

"Bekah's sense of humor is more like mine than anyone else."
"Is that why you both like Chinese food?"
~My mom and my sister, talking about the differences between my siblings