\"His doctor is a shmuck. Now, I\'m sure he\'s a very nice shmuck, but...\"
I heard my mom saying this to someone earlier this evening about my step-dad\'s doctor.

"Folks, in the 30 years I've been doing the news, not once have I ever seen the word 'poop' in the script."

Bill Ratliff, newsanchor for Tampa's NBC affiliate, after doing a short story about some new chemical that freezes dog poop for easy disposal, early morning of August 5, 2005 in the 6 AM hour

"What if there was no such thing as cussing? Then the people at Dunkin Donuts could eat all the donuts they want."
"What does cussing have to do with donuts?"
"I didn't say cussing! I said customers."

- my sister and I about ten years ago when we were driving to local pizza place

"Don't poop on my hand, ok?"
-woman at local Winn Dixie talking to another woman's pet bird she was holding

"I wouldn't mind getting the enema. I'd be happier than a man winning the lotto."
- heard from a woman

After a news story about contaminated almonds:

"So, Steve, I guess we better check our nuts."
*looks around and then looks back at camera* "Um, yeah, Bob."

- Bob Hite and Steve Jerve from Tampa, Florida's, NBC affiliate

"It couldn't have been that bad."
"That's easy for you to say. You weren't the one that saw him trying to do the naked high jump over the hood of the car and go bouncing off."
--Two guys talking in front of the local library.

"...and he said he weighed 400 pounds, and I was like 'Yeah, well what about your other thigh?'"
a bus driver talking to one of the passengers while I was riding to the library

This was an exchange between two popular news anchors at Tampa, Florida's, NBC affiliate two years ago right after a story about Pampers:

Man: "I'm more of a Depends man myself."
Woman: "You wear Depends, huh?"
Man: "Well, they work."
Woman: "You would know."
Man: "You change them."
Woman, to meteorologist while laughing and blushing: "So Steve, how's the weather?"
Man 2: "Oh, are we on?"
Man 1, laughing: "Yeah, but I don't think anyone's watching now."