"What does he want to do for a career?"
"Well, he likes Oprah."
~My grandma and uncle in the car on the way back to New York

"So, how's the wife?"
"Good. She's lost 80 lbs."
"Wow, she must look good."
"eh, she's still got a gut on her."
-- Overheard from cubicle next to mine. Bet that guys' wife would be happy to hear that.

"He has no lap."
"How can he not have a lap? He has a butt."
"The butt is not the lap. The lap is the opposite of the butt."
"No it's not. Not really."
"Yes...yes it is. It's a frontal butt."
— two women apparently discussing Muppets and their lack of laps (Oakland, CA)

"Breathe up, not out."
— Renaissance Faire merchant to a woman she was lacing into a tight bodice (Novato, CA)

"Racism is gay."
-- Mike

me: Why ya gotta be that way?

my boyfriend: I'm not like anything. You're a certain way too.

"This shit sucks."
--Written on a page in the same manual.

"Turning a car quickly is like a large football player trying to make a sharp turn at full gallop: sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't."
--From a driver training manual.

"No, I meant for him to be in a box in your house." -- overheard from cubicle next to mine.

"...So then he asks me how I would rate myself as a director on a scale of one to ten, and I'm like: 'Man, don't ask me that, 'cause if I say ten then I'm an asshole, and if I don't then I'm a fuckin' liar!'"
--Quentin Tarantino at the Kill Bill afterparty, to a crowd of hangers-on.