[Umm...]
\"i\'m a robot.\"
\"let me access your mainframe. that means you get naked and i fondle you.\" -justin

[Tragic]
\"you\'re special. but not the special kind of special, more like the special kind... of special. kill me.\" -justin

[Bizarre]
\"i\'m gonna send you gay in the mail and you\'re gonna open it and be like \"FUCK, I GOT GAY\" \" -natalie

[Funny]
\"you\'re so heavy!\" -wes
\"...i have a big heart.\" -paul

[Funny]
\"you\'re 20? why don\'t you go do some taxes or buy a washing machine or something.\" -jake

[Umm...]
\"hey TRA-VAS, want to engage in some mutual masturbation AT THE OP-ER-A???\" -julie mcquary

[Funny]
\"WWVD: what would vagina do? OR, what would venereal disease?\" -kim

[Ironic]
\"does \"clitoris\" roll off the tongue?\" -julia

[Tragic]
\"did you know you weren\'t supposed to put aluminum in the microwave?\"
\"...yes.\"
\"WHERE WAS I when we learned this?\" -sarah

[Funny]
\"why are buildings called buildings? shouldn\'t they just be called... \"builts\"?\" -me to sarah

"where do they keep santa claus?" -my 6 year old sister, in the national museum of natural history

"Racism is gay."
-- Mike

"Let me be your kickstand."

--Chad

"La Crosse kicks La Ass."
"MINI-VAN...MEGA-FUN!"
"Jehovah's Fitness: running and jumping about for God."
"Isn't it great when plankton mate?"
"Get your learn on."
--various shirts at Urban Outfitters.

"Why doesn't she tell him that she has bronchitis, instead of just letting him assume she's a mute?!"
"If she had bronchitis he wouldn't kiss her."
"True love shares bronchitis."
-- April and Me [on the Little Mermaid]

"That reminds me of King Tut's mummified nut-sack!"
-Mitch. No explanation.

"I wish we could've made it look more like urine."
--Me, commenting on Gabe's mustard-stained "BEER" shirt that we made after cutting him a wicked mullet.

"Night girl/boy freak. Choose one or the other, then come back to me so I can decide if I'm gay or not."
"Dude, that's the best thing you've ever said."
"Write it down, mutant."
--Kent and Shawn

"...when they invented pennicilin and all those drugs, this is what happened to my eye, and I got a RECTAL ITCH."
-- my best friend's very straightforward grandfather