"A mouse is not really different from a fork, or a TV."
- in a Harvard dining hall

"That's not a reason to say Brutus was morally flawed, just because he killed his friend."
- student in Harvard University Shakespeare seminar

"Oh, god. What happened?"
"Well, first we smoked a bowl. Then, we fucked...just not each other."
-two girls talking on a bus en route a crappy Las Vegas high school

"...next thing you know I'll have my pants around my ankles and go walking down the street."

A guy from work, to another girl
Okotoks, Canada

"Mr. Rogers!"
"Dude, Mr. Rogers can NOT fluff his hair!"
"Uh, yeah, and Mr. Rogers is DEAD!"
~Three people at drama, playing Charades. The answer was Princess Di, by the way.

"Even in pants, she walks like a weirdo."
"That's just a bit too much method acting for me."
--Two women at the Arclight.

WHERE THE -F*CK- IS MY FORK!!!
a girl in my Digital Media class. As far as I could see, she wasn't eating anything...

"Those are Tibetan boots!"
"No, they're not! And you do NOT own the Tibetan boots!"
~Two guys at drama, commenting on Guy #2's boots which... erm... didn't look particularly "Tibetan" to me.

"frottage is a kind of cheese, isn't it?"

- 20 something guy on a cell phone in an iowa grocery store.

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positively sputter-inducing. SOMEone's in for a surprise.