"Wait..You cut your lips off? Really?"
*pause*
"Dude! That rocks!"
- Girl talking on a cellphone while in a grocery store in Houston, Texas.

"I want to be a girl!"
~A girl at drama practice

"I hope it happens soon. That would be a great time for that global warming to kick in." -- woman on office phone.

Is anytime a great time for global warming to kick in?

"What does he want to do for a career?"
"Well, he likes Oprah."
~My grandma and uncle in the car on the way back to New York

"So, how's the wife?"
"Good. She's lost 80 lbs."
"Wow, she must look good."
"eh, she's still got a gut on her."
-- Overheard from cubicle next to mine. Bet that guys' wife would be happy to hear that.

"Turning a car quickly is like a large football player trying to make a sharp turn at full gallop: sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't."
--From a driver training manual.

"well, after smoking or drinking the pot, i usually..."
one of two college boys strolling past me.

Lady 1 : "Have you heard about Niptuck?"
Lady 2 : "I love that show!"
Lady 3 : "Isn't that a surgery?"
Lady 1: "Yes, but it's vveerryy sexual." - - Three mothers talking at Stiles Pond in Boxford, MA (within earshot of their sand castle building children).

"WHOA! GUNS!!"

-a kid about 5 or 6 in a sporting goods store in des moines (where the deer heads mounted on the walls all seemed, disconcertingly, to have names like "gene wernke" or "dale jameson"). ah, to be young and impressionable.

"When I was pregnant, I drank a lot of gin, but it didn't work."
-- Middle-Aged Woman in a Lexington Avenue Liquor Store