My friends and I were eating lunch. One of the friends was really grossed out about learning in Social Studies that people made cookies using chicken fat during some world war. (i'm saying 'some' becasue i don't remember) so 'chicken fat cookies' was then the phrase of the day

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friend: *whispers to me* we should come with chicken fat cookies some random day and give her one and tell her what it is after she eats it
grossed out: *angrily* what did you just say?!
me: she said that Brian likes chicken fat cookies
grossed out: how do YOU know?
friend: it says on his website. his mom makes them for him every time he comes home
-the Brian mentioned is the backstreet boy, Brian Littrell, the grossed out friend's favorite music artist

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friend:*reading the classifieds in the newspaper* wow, this bartending job pays really well. But it must be hard having to learn how to make all of those drinks...
me: not as hard as making... CHICKEN FAT COOKIES!
grossed out: *sqeals angrily then chases me*
me: *runs away with an evil grin*

"Get out of here! Stop it! You're so ugly! You know, that's why people call ugly people dogs! Can it, mutt!"

-My older brother to a dog that was barking at him earlier tonight. I'm embarrased to even admit that we're related!!!

"Smarts: Um...well...he ranks somewhere between genius and moron. We're quite sure of this due to our extensive research."

-On a web site about Haldir of Lorien from the Lord of the Rings trilogy (I'm talking about the movies, people!)

Teacher: ...so there's this Amish guy wh-
Student: Amish guy? That's so weird cuz' like yesterday Liz sang a song about an Amish dude. Whoa...that's like a haiku or something.

Girl 1: "Yeah, I know, but I wasn't all, like, B-F-F-F-F!"
Girl 2: "Yeah, I know, like, totally!"

-Two girls walking on my campus.

"Did you lose some teeth? No? Oh, well, maybe your hair is just flatter."
~My mom, to my little brother last night.

Rae: Wait, do we use a colon there? I never know how to use them...
Jenna: Me neither, I just know we have one.
(several minutes of laughter and strange glances)
Rae: Wait, are you talking about the body part?

in the computer lab at about 10pm last night. i still dont know how to use a colon.

"How can you be a famous chemist?" "Er... what?" "It just said "one of Great Britain's most famous chemists". What's that, someone who got top marks for selling thrush cream to people?" "Uh... a famous scientist... working in the field of chemistry?" "...Yes, that would probably be more likely." My sister and me on the phone last night. (I don't know if "chemist" is synonymous with "pharmacist" outside the UK.) In other news, the library where I just moved has all kinds of relatively obscure Neil Gaiman things that I haven't seen anywhere else. I mention this for no reason other than that it makes me happy. (Edit: Yeah, I didn't move into the library. That'll teach me to read more carefully.)

"Garlic?"
"It's for my feet."
~Two of my friends, while the three of us sat on B'qi's couch in MN. I think this was a mixed conversation. Heh...

"So all I did, I was just like 'So, do you know this screenname?' and he was like 'So do you know my throbbing c*ck?'"

Girl sitting beside me in computer class, completely bewildered by what she was talking about.

I used that little asterisk because I wasn't sure the word would be allowed.