"What're the bells for?"
"They're so we can communicate without using the intercom. We've kind of got this whole nautical theme going on."
"Yeah, except for the Hawaiian shirts."
"That's true. We should have striped shirts, be like sailors."
"Or pirates. Right now you could be tropical pirates maybe. Cruise ship robbing pirates."
"Are you calling us lazy? That's brilliant."
--A customer and a checker at Trader Joe's

"Gina is a dum ho."
"The defense rests, your honor."
--Written on the wall of a construction site near Lexington & 59th.

"I think it's wonderful that you want to walk like a duck down the aisle."
--A woman halfheartedly talking on a cell phone while reading a magazine, in line at Safeway.

"I'm not the kind of person who's good to listen to. Or good at being listened to. Did you get that?"
--A woman talking to a man at Jupiter

"I also really like how he swears a lot, but it sounds so sweet because his voice is nice and the melody's pretty that it's only when you think back and go 'huh' that... *off his skeptical look* yeah, ok, I'm somewhat crushy on Ben Folds right now."
"He makes you cry!"
"Really, history would suggest I like that in a man."
--A girl and a guy at Reel Video

"It's weird stuff. At a low dose, they use it to treat chronic pain, and at ten times that dose they use it to treat OCD."
"So 'take ten of these and wash your hands once in the morning?'"
"Kind of. Yeah. I think I know the way it works, though. One pill makes me sleepy, ten must make you unconscious. Temporarily treats the symptoms, but..."
--A girl and a guy talking at the Parkway Theatre

"Oh, you know me. I'm so disorganized, it's an oxymoron that they call me a professor."
--A woman talking on a cell phone outside Cody's Books

"California: The Wish We Were Kidding State."
"Did you vote?"
*silence*
"You forefited your bitching rights."
"So that's what those stickers are good for."
--Two guys at La Salsa

"Hrm. No, let's go to McDonald's. It's more family-oriented."
--A woman with two children, eyeing the menu at Crepes-a-Go-Go

----------------------------------------------------------

In three and a half years of active evesdropping, this is the single most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I didn't know whether to put it under bizarre or tragic. What kind of person actually talks like a target demographic drone?

"See, if I'm actually up and checking work mail at 5am, I make sure as hell that I respond to everything. Even stuff that I really only have a ping response on. Just so people know I'm working at 5am. I figure they'll figure if my answers are vague, it's because I'm so tired."
"That's not really what we've been figuring."
--Two men talking in line at Jamba Juice