Submitted by Mike on Wed, 02/14/2007 - 3:48pm. Tragic
Scene: A tree loaded with bright red berries and filled with robins-- and right next to the tree, inside a partially-enclosed glass framework (think oversized bus shelter), four robins frantically banging their heads against the windows and/or staring morosely at the rest of the flock. All 4 of them could`ve easily gone UNDER the glass; none did so.

Darwinism ain`t pretty.
Child support
Submitted by Alice on Tue, 11/21/2006 - 12:58pm. Tragic
Guy on the Phone: \"Um, so my kids don\'t like me anymore. Do I still have to pay child support?\"

Do you think they will like you more if they don\'t have food and clothes?
My friend's neighbor's name...
Submitted by Sephiroths_Slave on Wed, 03/29/2006 - 7:57pm. Tragic
I almost didn't believe her when she first told me. Her neighbor's name is Dick Hurts. This is where I'd like to think I'm mature enough not to laugh, but COME ON!

Also, I recently laughed in the middle of an english class in which we were reading "The Crucible." The text said "the Devil's teat." I am such a child...
Depends on your definition of "really great".
Submitted by Desert Fox on Sun, 02/19/2006 - 11:18pm. Tragic
"So how's your wife?"
"Really great! I'm living in Texas, and she's living in Colorado."

-- Two dealers at the Tucson Gem & Mineral show
Fun with biology class
Submitted by NeKo on Tue, 02/14/2006 - 9:11am. Tragic
"Brontosauruses aren't reptiles. They had lungs and a heart!"
-boy in class
1 February 2006
Submitted by eve on Wed, 02/01/2006 - 10:33pm. Tragic
"Missouri! Missouri's a state!"
"One of the fifty, yes."
"No, seriously, I haven't thought of Missouri in five years. It's just not a state that comes up. Even Iowa's more popular. What's a city in Missouri?"
"Biloxi. Oh, shit, that's Mississippi. St. Louis."
"I've even been to St. Louis. I changed planes there. I think I thought it was St. Paul. Minneapolis, you know?"
--A girl and a guy at Dona Thomas
16 December 2005
Submitted by eve on Fri, 12/16/2005 - 1:03pm. Tragic
"If you want to take your coat off, I want you to feel comfortable."
"We're not going to be here long."
"Right. You should know though, people've have said this before. I'm here for the connections. You should know that. Whether I'm a contractor or not, seemingly abc, round or quad or non, I understand your needs. I see your operations. I see your operations. Shame on them, for not giving you the respect."
"It's bullshit."
"It's totally bullshit. You need to know that. Your company, you're not that small. I give the same service to a guy who has ten thousand on his account every month. You need to know that."
"Wish you'd give me the same cheap rate you give him."
"You know who was my last client? Oprah."
--Two men in suits sitting on BART
This Is Why I Never Go Out!!!!
Submitted by Sephiroths_Slave on Wed, 11/02/2005 - 5:06pm. Tragic
"So, the guy was like, 'Yeah, but minors are allowed here!' and my father was like, 'Get the f*@# away from my daughter!' and he was about to beat the sh*t out of this guy... Then Security came...."

- A girl talking to her friend at my school. It's because I know people like this that I never go out!
A Departed Colleague
Submitted by Daniel Lehan on Wed, 07/13/2005 - 3:16am. Tragic
Changeover of bus drivers on board a bus:

I guess there will be a collection.

I will call his wife.

He was a nice bloke, too.

18th May 2004

Penzance Bus Station, Cornwall, South West England
Now there's a personal ad
Submitted by lalaith on Tue, 07/05/2005 - 11:00am. Tragic
Girl #1: Boys! Ugh!
Pregnant girl: Yeah. I'm going to get a new boyfriend. He can be my baby's daddy, I need someone new to go out and have fun with.