16 December 2005
Submitted by eve on Fri, 12/16/2005 - 1:03pm. Tragic
"If you want to take your coat off, I want you to feel comfortable."
"We're not going to be here long."
"Right. You should know though, people've have said this before. I'm here for the connections. You should know that. Whether I'm a contractor or not, seemingly abc, round or quad or non, I understand your needs. I see your operations. I see your operations. Shame on them, for not giving you the respect."
"It's bullshit."
"It's totally bullshit. You need to know that. Your company, you're not that small. I give the same service to a guy who has ten thousand on his account every month. You need to know that."
"Wish you'd give me the same cheap rate you give him."
"You know who was my last client? Oprah."
--Two men in suits sitting on BART
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Buzzword thread?
Posted by Somnambulist on Sun, 04/16/2006 - 7:17am.
How's this for buzzwordyness?

"We need to... dominate the identities of our enemies."

Yeah... I'll get right on that... mmm hmm.
Posted by Matt on Sun, 04/16/2006 - 9:12pm.
That's a Bushism, right? Or maybe just from someone in his camp?

I had an urge just now to go on an unadulterated, highly politically biased rant, but perhaps it's best to wait until our alcoholic, coke addict president from Connecticut has left office before any serious discussion of his legacy is put forth.
Hey, if it worked for JFK...
Posted by Jon on Wed, 04/19/2006 - 6:21am.
Hey, if it worked for JFK...

- My mind is in the gutter, but it keeps out the bad weather.
Not quite...
Posted by Somnambulist on Sun, 04/16/2006 - 10:17pm.
At least you don't have to work for him...

Not quite a Bushism... it's from some good old army training.
Holy Crap
Posted by umrguy on Wed, 02/01/2006 - 3:38pm.
For a moment, the Google ad thing turned into an American Idol dealiebob. What the frell?

-There's someone in my head, but it's not me.-
Posted by marinerd on Thu, 02/02/2006 - 10:10am.
And what in the world is so "underground" about American Idol?!

Down with the soulless minions of orthodoxy!
The science of deduction
Posted by peegee on Thu, 02/02/2006 - 3:09pm.
It seems the song lyrics sported the "American Idol"-themed link. And deep underground is where the inventors of that show and most of its contestants deserve to be buried, preferably alive.
Posted by Matt on Thu, 02/02/2006 - 9:30pm.
Along with most of the people who watch it.
2 cents
Posted by Jon on Fri, 02/03/2006 - 1:26pm.
Whew! I didn't want to be the first one to make such a statement, but I agree. Heartily.

- My mind is in the gutter, but it keeps out the bad weather.
This just seems like it belongs here.
Posted by Saint on Tue, 01/31/2006 - 2:51pm.
I learned at work today that people greeters are no longer people greeters; they are now Customer Service Ambassadors. This change ruins the best Halloween costume in our store (the One-eyed One-horned Flying Purple People Greeter) and probably doesn't come with a raise. I hope they change it to something less pretentious and silly by the time I'm stuck with that job.

Furthermore, our security staff, formerly known as Loss Prevention, are now Asset Protection. The difference is, they make themselves known instead of following people secretly, and they don't stop shoplifters for anything under $25. Thinking of the last 'lifter I'd seen, who stuffed his baggy clothes with steaks, I said, "What, are they supposed to walk up to the shoplifters and say, 'Excuse me, could you take the meat out of your pants so I can see if it's worth more than twenty-five dollars'?" (I didn't think about how it would sound until it was out, honest.) I figure openly watching potential thieves will last until someone sues Wal-Mart, saying the APs are just following them around and watching them because they're [fill in the minority].

And, finally, in my side-duties of reviewing accidents and evaluating work practices in the store, I've been demoted from the Risk Control Team to the Safety Team. We do all the same things, but we no longer get an extra 25 cents an hour for it. I'm glad I didn't bother to get one of the Risk Control Team t-shirts they ordered for us two weeks ago.

--I am powerless over my addiction to parenthesis.--
Diplomatic immunity
Posted by Mike on Fri, 02/03/2006 - 10:32am.
Ambassadors can ram shopping carts into anyone they see and get away with it! That's quite a perk. Checking pants for meat? Er, well, it's power anyway.

And you can recomp the lost wages if you emphasize the "safety" aspect the right way. "Nice department you got here... sure hate for anything to... happen to it..."

Since the original quote references Oprah and pretentiousness, this seems like it belongs here too. Mmm, schadenfreude...
Posted by marinerd on Wed, 02/01/2006 - 12:55pm.
Thanks for the LOL, Saint. It's my policy never to shop at Wal-Mart for any reason, but if I was going to shoplift, I'd certainly do it in your store. Can't think of what I'd try for, but raw meat would probably be pretty far down on my list. Besides, my new year's resolution is to not shop at all anywhere. Not attainable of course, but those resolutions are the easiest kind to break, n'est pas?

Down with the soulless minions of orthodoxy!
Appropriate Friday song
Posted by marinerd on Fri, 01/20/2006 - 10:51am.
Another suburban family morning
Grandmother screaming at the wall
We have to shout above the din of our Rice Crispies
We can't hear anything at all

Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration
But we know all her suicides are fake
Daddy only stares into the distance
There's only so much more that he can take

Many miles away something crawls from the slime
At the bottom of a dark Scottish lake

Another industrial ugly morning
The factory belches filth into the sky
He walks unhindered through the picket lines today
He doesn't think to wonder why

The secretaries pout and preen like cheap tarts in a red light street
But all he ever thinks to do is watch
And every single meeting with his so-called superior
Is a humiliating kick in the crotch

Many miles away something crawls to the surface
Of a dark Scottish lake

Another working day has ended
Only the rush hour hell to face
Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes
Contestants in a suicidal race

Daddy grips the wheel and stares alone into the distance
He knows that something somewhere has to break
He sees the family home now looming in the headlights
the pain upstairs that makes his eyeballs ache

Many miles away there's a shadow on the door
Of a cottage on the shore
Of a dark Scottish lake

Many miles away...

Although, as a secretary, I always kind of resembled his remark, or something... Have a great weekend, everybody. Go Seahawks!!

Down with the soulless minions of orthodoxy!
"You need to know..."
Posted by Mike on Thu, 01/19/2006 - 6:49am.
Bleh. These two use the English language like clowns use makeup: to cover up their true intentions while they play a calculated role. Just as clowns do, they can elicit a range of emotions from their viewers-- amusement or irritation or outright primal fear-- but can they ever be taken seriously?

Of course, it's not just businessmen who employ this little tactic. The craziest people I have ever had the misfortune to meet have all tended to favor a particular blend of gibberish and name-dropping in their daily speech. I used to think it was just inborn English-major pedantry, but it's quite possible that people like this are really, truly, deeply insane.

Which is a sad thing to consider, because they're everywhere.

So... yeah. Hey look, a link! It needs updating. Weasel words are ever-evolving.
Business men
Posted by marinerd on Wed, 01/18/2006 - 12:42pm.
Come to think of it, this exchange reminds me of a scene in "A League of Their Own". Jon Lovitz is on a train listening to a 1940s version of this same old buzz, then loudly states, "If I had your job, I'd kill myself." Perfect.

Down with the soulless minions of orthodoxy!
Posted by Somnambulist on Wed, 01/18/2006 - 2:29am.
Reminds me of a book I read not all too long ago... Hostile Takeover by Susan Shwartz...
Now was the guy
Posted by hypoxic on Mon, 01/16/2006 - 10:10pm.
on a sales pitch? Friends or a chance encounter? I hate it when this happens.

Let me sit in peace on public transport. No talking is needed. No cell phone is needed. Listen to your iPod or read something. I don't want you to bother me. And damnit share the arm rest!
Posted by Saint on Mon, 01/16/2006 - 8:21pm.
"And one more thing you ought to know. I'm so full of sh*t I squeak when I walk."

--I am powerless over my addiction to parenthesis.--
Posted by eve on Mon, 01/16/2006 - 1:11pm.
...The tragedy, of course, being that I didn't get my laptop out sooner to get their entire painfully business buzz-wordy converstaion.
Buzz words...?
Posted by ParU on Tue, 01/17/2006 - 7:38pm.
And we know how much you love business buzz words... *g*
It's Amino world without Chemists
Posted by peegee on Tue, 01/17/2006 - 12:49pm.
I think in that situation my only worry would be how to muster enough self-control to not explode laughing. The joy of the academic version of business trips regularly bestowed on me, I have witnessed my fair share of sell-your-mom-for-a-dime(or an easy lay) type. Hurrah for our site-goddess for keeping her cool and thinking of her minions in that situation...
All hail the Site Goddess
Posted by umrguy on Mon, 01/16/2006 - 9:13pm.
...and listen as she speaks.

Okay, enough groveling ;) Seriously, buzzwords = bad. I was given 7 Habits of Highly Effective People some time ago, and I quit reading it five pages in when they used the word "paradigm", that's how bad I avoid things (well, that and the fact that the only other place I'd seen that mainly used was by the Pointy-Haired Boss in Dilbert. Anyway.)

-There's someone in my head, but it's not me.-
Posted by Desert Fox on Thu, 01/19/2006 - 12:07pm.
I attended a Mojave desert revegetation workshop in Victorville yesterday. Not a field you'd think would be all *that* prone to buzzwords. But the speakers all seemed very, very fond of the word "synergy". ACK! I mean, c'mon folks. It's a perfectly decent word, but get a thesaurus and mix it up a little! GRRR!


"Life is too short for grief. Or regret. Or bullshit." -- Edward Abbey, Vox Clamantis in Deserto
Could have been worse.
Posted by paul on Wed, 01/18/2006 - 5:29pm.
I used to work for a guy who was almost an identical twin to Bill Lumberg ("Office Space"). His hair was blond and he had a mustache and his voice was slightly higher, but other than that...

The guy had an MBA. He thoroughly reinforced my opinion of MBAs, that having one automatically turns off the common sense lobe in your brain. He was extremely fond of using the word "robust" in meetings, along with things like "value-added".

I had to stop myself from asking about TPS reports at least once a day.

One of my favorite ads was for text messaging, where this bunch of people were in a conference room listening to some consultant ranting all kinds of bullshit while they sat texting each other with messages like, "Can you believe this bozo?" During the rant the guy said they had to find a new "para-diggum", then pointed at one guy and shouted his name. When the guy jumped, the consultant softly said, "Move away from the box."

Sometimes ads imitate life a little too closely.
Posted by Jon on Thu, 01/19/2006 - 6:37am.
Office Space quotes are used with great frequency in my office. It's a good place. :)

- My mind is in the gutter, but it keeps out the bad weather.
Posted by marinerd on Mon, 01/16/2006 - 3:57pm.
Even "listening" second hand to this conversation gives me existential angst. It must have been a drag for you overhearing it first-hand--like watching a made-for-TV movie, or something!

Down with the soulless minions of orthodoxy!
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