Shopping List
Submitted by Mori on Tue, 05/10/2005 - 9:05pm. Bizarre
So I'm in the kitchen, and I see that two items have been added to my otherwise reasonable shopping list:

behaving cream
hamster fudge dip

y'all is brutalizing me
Does it come in green?
Submitted by Mori on Tue, 05/03/2005 - 5:01pm. Graffiti
Seen written into the brownish/gray dust on the back of a schoolbus:
"Also available in yellow"

~Austin, TX
Christmas Morning
Submitted by Mori on Thu, 03/31/2005 - 7:30pm. Funny
Ok, so it's Christmas morning, we've all opened our gifts (this actually happened years ago) ... my sister and I have taken our loot to our bedrooms, my father has walked into the bathroom and my mother is still in the living room, looking through a gift basket I gave her.

Mom: "Ha! What do you think of this, Ed ... your daughter gave me age-defying cream!"

without missing a beat, my father passes by my door, leans in and says, under his breath:

"Now all we need is bitch-defying cream..."
Name That Situation!
Submitted by Mori on Sun, 03/20/2005 - 10:31pm. Other
"Is there some special way to use this? It feels like the big part is on my neck ..."
(movements, shifting)
"Ugh ... This way feels flat!"
(movements, shifting)
Conversation about future craft projects ...
Submitted by Mori on Mon, 03/07/2005 - 9:50pm. Beautiful
Me: "I want to make a spoon rest."

Coby: ~dramatic hand motion~ "Sleep!!"
Fact: Christians have a sense of humor just like everyone else
Submitted by Mori on Thu, 02/24/2005 - 10:20pm. Funny
Christian Hip-Hop Band:
"I'm-a bounce for the Lord!
I'm-a shout for the Lord!"

40+ youth leader:
"I'm-a loose my bowels for the Lord! UHHNNG!"
(looks skyward)
"That one was for You."

~praise & worship concert at a weekend youth retreat in Carlisle, PA
The Loony Bin
Submitted by Mori on Fri, 02/04/2005 - 8:36pm. Tragic
I didn't think I had a problem, until I found myself in a crack house, eating oatmeal out of a Fry Daddy.

~an 18-year old girl, at a rehab facility in NJ
Submitted by Mori on Fri, 02/04/2005 - 10:15am. Funny
"... the hotel room fairly reeked of cigarette smoke. So your mother and I sprayed the room down with Febreze and left. When we came back the room stunk of urine! I guess the funk was so strong that it had a war with the Febreze, and the funk won and took a stronger foothold ..."

~again, my father - regarding a trip to WV
Conjugating verbs in Texas
Submitted by Mori on Mon, 01/24/2005 - 6:57pm. Funny
Me: I forget between 'vosotros' and 'nosotros' ... one means 'we' and the other means a group of other people...

Him: At my school, they told us 'vosotros' meant 'y'all'.

~Is it wrong this this Jersey girl (me) laughed my ass off at him for a full minute?
A contribution from my sister
Submitted by Mori on Fri, 01/14/2005 - 2:39am. Um...
"All I have up at college is double-sided tape ... do you have any idea what kind of problems that presents?"

~A young woman talking to a much older woman, in a craft store in New Jersey