Mori's blog

Fact: Christians have a sense of humor just like everyone else

Christian Hip-Hop Band:
"I'm-a bounce for the Lord!
I'm-a shout for the Lord!"

40+ youth leader:
"I'm-a loose my bowels for the Lord! UHHNNG!"
(looks skyward)
"That one was for You."

~praise & worship concert at a weekend youth retreat in Carlisle, PA

The Loony Bin

I didn't think I had a problem, until I found myself in a crack house, eating oatmeal out of a Fry Daddy.

~an 18-year old girl, at a rehab facility in NJ

funk

"... the hotel room fairly reeked of cigarette smoke. So your mother and I sprayed the room down with Febreze and left. When we came back the room stunk of urine! I guess the funk was so strong that it had a war with the Febreze, and the funk won and took a stronger foothold ..."

~again, my father - regarding a trip to WV

Conjugating verbs in Texas

Me: I forget between 'vosotros' and 'nosotros' ... one means 'we' and the other means a group of other people...

Him: At my school, they told us 'vosotros' meant 'y'all'.

~Is it wrong this this Jersey girl (me) laughed my ass off at him for a full minute?

A contribution from my sister

"All I have up at college is double-sided tape ... do you have any idea what kind of problems that presents?"

~A young woman talking to a much older woman, in a craft store in New Jersey

Pharmaceutical Cuisine

Woman: Hey! There's that restaurant I heard about, Food Shui ... I wanna eat there now, come on, let's go.

Man: You go ahead, I'll be over at the Walgreens overdosing on pills.

~strip mall in Austin, TX

Ice Cream and Insults

I know this doesn't technically qualify as something heard "in passing" but I couldn't help myself. It's a conversation between Sharon Osbourne and Gary Busey.

Gary: I wanted to invite you to my church...
Sharon: Oh really?
Gary: Yes, and afterwards we would get on horses and ride down this long road to the Dairy Queen and shout insults at anyone wearing zippers.

When Children Fight Back

Man (30-ish): See you later, Silly-Brain!
Frustrated Girl (4, at most): Well you're a brain ... suck!!

~Oustide of the Mexican Food Factory in New Jersey

(the father of the young lady was wearing an expression that was a mix of surprise/amusement/pride with a dash of "in your FACE!")

conversation, 5am

Right after I told him the Ambien/Ketchup Bottle story:

Him: Yeah that was a good story.

Me: *laugh* yeah, that was also the night that I though I was a charcoal ... um, what's the word I'm looking for?

Him: Briquette?! Man, you were really stoned!

Sleep Talking

"Quick!!! Spray down at the bottom, where my butt is!!!"

~ this was shouted during sleep by a person who refused to explain it upon being awakened.

I can't explain it, it's just amusing to me

...at the Dark Horse Pub in Philadelphia...

"Do you know where the Zoo party is?"

"They never filled out a sheet, so I can only assume that they decided to assemble informally."

a typical converation with my sister

Her: "Give me your topical cream!!" (in a booming, demanding tone)

Me: "You're going to do this now!? Like NOW?"

Her: "I just wanna put a little behind my ears..."

Me: "Hey! Maybe the hives you have are from that perfume you've been wearing."

Her: "Well, I don't put it on behind my face."

Road Rage

"Are you from another planet?! What? Are you gas-pedal intolerant?"

my baby sister

"I don't get it, how do they decide who gets a fine and who gets arrested? Like is removing shopping carts a fine, but removing shopping carts an arrest?"

My father, the genius?

"Listen, everyone knows that I'm a nice guy. I'm the one they come to when they want help with something. And they know that unless it's Hitler asking for me to come fix his stove, I'm going to do it."