"We love the fishes 'cause they're sooo delicious...
*singing absent-mindedly off-key*
SQUELCH! Squelch?
*sighs*
We love the squelch 'cause it's so..."
--One of the Squelch pushers out on Sproul Plaza

---

(The Heurestic Squelch being, of course, Berkeley's "only intentionally funny publication.")
(***Update** The link isn't broken, their site is just down. Give it another look later, some funny stuff there.)

"That's not a sexist remark because I know men paint their toenails too, they just don't tell us about it."
--A very small, elderly woman, lecturing her younger walking companion

---

You know, if I were a guy, and working in some grand, important, suity and serious job, I'd probably paint my toenails sparkly purple and no one would know.

Hrm, I wonder if this is why they don't make open-toed shoes for men-- to conceal the pedicures?

"Mmm... macaroon."
"Ugh, I can't stand coconut. It always reminds me of... it's like little shreds of human flesh."
"Um..." *pauses mid-bite* "How... ? Nevermind."
"Oh, I guess you were never a nail-biter."
--Two guys eating lunch outside Stanley Hall

"Yeah, and I always get a craving for cranberries around midterms, but it goes away once I give up and get some."
--A girl at the gate to the building next door

"Hey... is Russ there? Yeah, it's Lou, I'm a friend of Jessica's... Look, she told me you might be able to help me out. I need some... health supplements.
*pause* *static*
Oh yeah, sure totally, I've got it right here. Health supplements, like... Vitamin E... and, um, Vitamin K."
--A guy talking to the intercom of the building next door

---

(Those of you who read dates are scratching your heads--
Yes, this one is nine months old.
In fact, this is the comment that started it all-- after I finished laughing about this one, I started jotting down things I'd heard in a little notebook. I just found it again, so expect to see some more oldies soon.)

"Yeah, so I burned my sig sweater this weekend."
"Sounds like you're really through with the whole frat life..."
"Yeah, I just didn't have time for school anymore, most of the time I was too trashed to go lecture, or to take notes if I did... hey, that chick's taking lecture notes on her palm pilot, cool."
--Two guys behind me in lecture today...

---

...If they'd only known that it wasn't lecture that I was taking notes on...

"Oh, sorry that didn't get done, last weekend I fell a little behind because I went to Burning Man, but it was worth it."
"But couldn't you have done the reading and at least the multiple choice questions there?"
--Two girls who appeared to be homework partners, in the library

---

Now, admittedly I've never been to burning man, myself...
But I suspect it's not the kind of place one goes to do homework.

"No, you don't understand, everybody says they were a geek in high school. But I was so horribly unpopular that after a while, it became 'untrendy' to dislike me, because everyone did."
--A girl at the next table at Cafe Strada

"Yeah, when I was a kid I always looked at the guys driving the streetcars-- you know, the muni ones, and I thought that was so cool... I totally wanted to be one of them when I grew up, to be the guy who pulled the lever that opened the door.
*pause*
In retrospect though, I'm glad I'm going to college."
--One 20-something guy to another, waiting to get on BART.

---

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a tightrope walker, a princess, or an author who owned a pony farm.
Why the hell did I major in biomedical engineering? What was I thinking?
...
Hey, the circus is in town...

"Whoa... look around. Every woman here has bruised heels, bandaged toes. They look like they've just gotten back from battle."
"Well, I mean, they're all here because of a common interest, and frankly I think it's a form of masochism."
--A man and a woman in DSW Shoe Warehouse in SF (specializing in pointy-toed, high heeled shoes.)