"An African Francophone! I feel like dancing!"
-- Phila, PA, by a world-renowned professor, said with glee to no one in particular after a meeting with said Francophone.

"Does 'it's too summery' mean you'll be cold in it? The party's indoors..."
"No, that's not it. It's just a summery fabric."
"Oh, so what you're saying is that if you go to a party in December in flowery cotton you'll be considered a big dork?"
"It's just too summery."
--A guy and a girl examining dresses at the BCBG outlet

"I'm sorry you got separated from us. I gotcha... it's okay..." *artificially bright voice* "So you wanna learn about barf?"

--A father with a frightened and weeping daughter at the Science Museum's exhibit "Grossology", which is all about the more disgusting aspects of the human body.

It worked, too- she cracked up.

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"Who are we going to see here? Dr. Suess?"
-snall child to mom at doctor's office.

"Get to work! Get to work!"
---A 2 year old girl, to (presumably) whatever store employees were hiding out in the back room, at a well-known office supply chain store. She and her father were at the end of a very long checkout line, and only one register was open.

"Two weeks ago she was helping me get ready, finding the old toys, going with me to the laundry room to wash the baby blankets. Now she says, 'when he's born you won't have any time for me.'"
"Well, I mean, you have to tell her that you're not going to love her any less. What is she, four? She's probably scared."
"I've told her that. I think she's just worried that she's not going to be number one anymore."
"Well, she's not. And you should tell her that. Zoe's a sweet kid, but it's better that she learns it now, instead of growing up to be one of the dazed 40 year olds whose sit here after an appointment with the shrink saying, *baby voice* '...I don't understand. I thought it was all about me.'"
--A customer and a stylist a few salon chairs over from me.

"I asked for Guinness and this is obviously Lagunitas. Guinness isn't clear. Guinness isn't golden. How do you get those two confused? Can no one hear me? This is what's wrong with life. This is the way the world ends. Lagunitas for Guinesss, boom."
--A girl at Cafe du Nord, at the Mike Doughty concert

---------------------------------------------
Mike Doughty, on the other had, was pretty much everything that is right in the world. He's doing another show tonight, same venue. Even if you don't know his new stuff, he played a few of his old Soul Coughing songs. He's brilliant. He's friendly to fans after the show. He dismissed the groans and sobs that accompanied his announcement of his last song with a pithy reminder of the temporal nature of existence. Go, already.

"So I went up to the counter, where this guy is buying a gun. I ask the clerk, 'do you have mace?' He said, 'We don't sell weapons here.' So then I ask, 'where do you think might carry it?' 'Try a pawnshop,' he said."
-girl complaining over lunch about not finding mace over the weekend.

"I think your virginity fell out."
~My friend to her friend

This deserves an explanation: on the plane back from their exchange student trip to Japan in the summer, her friend Sean dropped the clip on his "virgin records" CD player. As he was looking for it he claimed that he dropped it and my friend replied that it fell out. And thus a whole joke about finding his dropped virginity ensued. ^^