"...and someone pulled her skirt up over her ass, and we were like ohmygod!"

"It was, like, she KNEW what was in my head, dude!" "You mean, like, she knew you wanted to **** her, man?"
--two young men overheard in a Denny's Restaurant in Temple, TX

"That brought tears to my eyes. Well, actually, they went back in."
~One of the "judges" on our American Idol contest

"EMPLOYEES
US OI LY"
~A sign on a door in the MSP airport

"What do you WANT me to eat, starch?!"
~A sudden angry yell from my friend's kitchen

"I should go try this outfit on."
"Yeah, because it's nice to have shoes that fit."
~Girl getting ready for work and me. I fully intended to say "clothes" but "shoes" came out

"Sometimes people talk in their sleep and reveal secrets. But I don't think I've kept any secrets from you."
"I don't think I've kept any secrets from you either."
"Good. So we don't have to worry about talking in each other's sleep."
~Me and my best friend, trying to fall asleep. I make the stupidest gaffes at night

(Here comes the giant parade of quotes from the two weeks I was gone)

"La Crosse kicks La Ass."
"MINI-VAN...MEGA-FUN!"
"Jehovah's Fitness: running and jumping about for God."
"Isn't it great when plankton mate?"
"Get your learn on."
--various shirts at Urban Outfitters.

Daughter: "Dad, something really went wrong with you."

Me (indignantly): "Hey, blame them!" (pointing toward her grandparents) "They're the ones who raised me!"

her: "do you need a hug now?"
me: "eeeeh... i need a man."
her: "what?"
me: "i need a man to hug."
both: "i/you need amanda huggenkiss!!"
her: "see? you could pull off a lifestyle change."

_________________________________________________

intelligirly and me in the pizza hut parking lot this afternoon. heh. the pitfalls of watching too many simpson's episodes.