DJ Grammarian
Submitted by Saint on Sun, 04/24/2005 - 10:03am. Beautiful
"That was one of Poison's big hits in the eighties, 'Every Rose Has It's Thorn.' The title, the official title, 'Every Rose Has It's Thorn,' has the word 'It's' spelled I-T-apostraphe-S, which is the contraction of 'it is,' so, that would be 'Every Rose Has It Is Thorn.' Makes very little sense, but that's the official title, so...there you go."

--heard on the Eighties at Eight show with Kelly Turner, KRTZ. Cortez, CO.
Perfectly beutiful yoga posture
Submitted by adamsdropper on Fri, 04/22/2005 - 1:07am. Beautiful
If you were searching for a perfectly beautiful yoga posture of
padmasana, here is the end of the search:

http://www.ukpoliticsmisc.org.uk/weblog/images/hegreyoga.jpg
Never underestimate a 5 year old
Submitted by theMONDAYS on Sun, 04/03/2005 - 9:01am. Beautiful
Recording on phone: I'm calling for George W. Bush
My 5 year old brother: He's not here right now *click*

I wonder how many times the recording has gotten that one. the best part was when my brother walked away from the phone and exclaimed "that man was really stupid! he thought george w. bush lived here!" (phoenix, az)
Good for him
Submitted by sleepint0dream on Fri, 04/01/2005 - 1:08pm. Beautiful
"He's gots lots of sperms."

~Old chinese man to his wife in possibly the worst movie ever made. "Boy Wonderz" it's a good laugh, but a solid waste of 85 minutes of your life.....it's a boy band movie that opens up with them performing a song entitled "I Want Your Panties."

here's another good one from the same movie, that suprisingly, was made in 2000. We figured since it was so bad, it had to have been made in the 90s. We were sadly mistaken.

"Well, I'm Catholic, and....I don't know. I just don't feel like it's right. It's not something I want to do."
"Come on, man! That's what confession is for...."
Good for him
Submitted by sleepint0dream on Fri, 04/01/2005 - 1:08pm. Beautiful
"He's gots lots of sperms."

~Old chinese man to his wife in possibly the worst movie ever made. "Boy Wonderz" it's a good laugh, but a solid waste of 85 minutes of your life.....it's a boy band movie that opens up with them performing a song entitled "I Want Your Panties."

here's another good one from the same movie, that suprisingly, was made in 2000. We figured since it was so bad, it had to have been made in the 90s. We were sadly mistaken.

"Well, I'm Catholic, and....I don't know. I just don't feel like it's right. It's not something I want to do."
"Come on, man! That's what confession is for...."
Joys of parenthood
Submitted by copperhead on Sat, 03/26/2005 - 8:57pm. Beautiful
my ex brought our daughter over today. she's almost six.

me: "hiya honey."
honey: "hi, daddy! I ate a packing peanut!"
mom, answering my best rendition of the people's eyebrow:"[her puppy] dopey got into them, and she was scared he'd get sick. so i told her they're made out of cornstarch now."
me: "she knows what cornstarch is?"
mom: "she knows it's edible. i explained."
me: "uh-huh. so how was it, honey?"
honey: "it was gross! it was like a cheeto with the cheese licked off."
me: "reckon you won't be eating any more of them, huh?"
honey (giggling): "i brought some in my pocket."
Don't feed the models...
Submitted by yeswehavenofries on Wed, 03/23/2005 - 7:44am. Beautiful
"I knew it was time to quit the modeling industry when someone told me sunglasses were this year's socks, and I knew exactly what he meant."

I actually found this one in a book at work (I was really, really bored. I played computer solitare for a solid hour...) Anyway, it was made by some random male model.
You say potato, I say ping-pong.
Submitted by Saint on Tue, 03/22/2005 - 8:47pm. Beautiful
"It's not a purse, it's a messenger bag."
"And the message it's carrying is, 'Look, I'm gay!'"
"Don't be so clothes-minded."

--a couple of teenage (or young twenties...the older I get, the younger young people look) boys walking through Wal-Mart, Cortez, CO. I admit, the last words might have been a mock-lisp of 'closed-minded' but this is what I heard, and I'm sticking with it.
Makeup tragedy
Submitted by JDRene85 on Sat, 03/19/2005 - 10:32pm. Beautiful
"I love watching people drive and put on make up. Even more I love to slam on my brakes and watch the mascara applicator jam in to their eye."

Said by a girl while standing in line at Al's
Sweets For My Sweet
Submitted by Apple on Thu, 03/17/2005 - 7:22am. Beautiful
"Aunt Maggie is one of those aunts that are way over sweet. Sickly sweet! So sweet I have to stay away from her for fear of going into a Diabetic Coma!"

Me discussing my Aunt's creepy sweetness. Really, she's the one that pinches and hugs and all that sick, demented stuff that belies a psychotic killer waiting to strike. Bleh!

"Aww! Aren't you just the cutest thing ever?? I could just eat you up!"

Have I mentioned, Bleh!!??!