"Yesterday Jake and I went for a walk in stanley park, but on the bus on the way there we met a jesus. He used to be a santa. but now he's a jesus, and he got to ride the bus for free because he's a messanger from god. But he will go back on his spaceship. He gave us pennies and then we sacrificed the pennies to the giant head in the park."


Random girl on a greyhound bus. I didn't ask any questions. Why? Because I'm almost postive she wasn't talking to me. But, because of her lazy eye, I really couldn't be sure...

"Is it two parts hydrogen and one part water?"
~My brother, calculating what chemicals are in water.

"What's 'X-Men in July'?"
~Guy at SALT, seeing "X-Mas in July" written on the board

"I never retreat. I just turn around and go forward."
— A man at the marina stating his philosophy after recounting his run-in with a shark (Emeryville, CA)

"I'm not a jerk, I have redeeming qualities."

"Umm... if you weren't a jerk, you wouldn't need redeeming qualities."

a guy and a girl at The Maple Room (a bar)

"My sister goes clubbing... with her SON!"
"Well, maybe she likes to dance."
~Disgusted woman and not-quite-clear-on-the-issue Spanish professor in Spanish class.

"I invited him to SNAC and he wouldn't come. I mean, he could but he wouldn't. I mean, he would. But he wouldn't. I mean..."
~Verbally befuddled guy at SALT

"You look nicer."
"Yeah, I don't wear the contacts much."
"No. I mean you look like a nicer person."
--Two guys talking at Thalassa

"Here, draw a G on the board and see if he can tell what letter it is."
~My mom to my sister, as we were drilling my 4-year-old brother on his alphabet. My brother was standing right there. Needless to say, his answer was "G."

"So, if you were a guy, would *you* be a swimmer?"
"Yeah I probably would. If I was, well you know...well endowed."
"Oh, yeah...definitely, what with wearing that tiny speedo and everything."