1 December 2004
Submitted by eve on Wed, 12/01/2004 - 11:02am. Funny
"People never say, 'oh yeah, remember that cult I was in? I met her there.'"
--A guy talking on a cell phone at SFO
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A cult by any other name.
Posted by JLSeagull on Fri, 12/17/2004 - 9:34pm.
...but people do sometimes say,"oh yeah, remember that cult I was in? I met her there in Utah."

How many people can I subtly offend in here?

How about not so subtly?
Posted by Matt on Sat, 12/18/2004 - 7:10pm.
If you're going with this where I think you are, JLS, keep in mind that while Utah has the highest raw population of Mormons of any state in the U.S., Idaho has a far higher percentage, versus the total population.

It was while at school in Idaho that I learned the "clean" version of the horrible adjective "hella." I mean, of course, "hecka."

Okay, I'm going to stick to the facts here, in part because I have several Mormon friends, but I testify (heh) to having seen the pamphlet available to all young men in the church, "How To Stop Yourself From Masturbating."
Posted by Mike on Wed, 01/12/2005 - 11:14am.
Wow. Thanks, internet!
Posted by Somnambulist on Tue, 05/03/2005 - 7:07pm.
Tip number 8 has the possiblity of backfireing... the subject may find himself extremely turned on by worms...
Posted by Matt on Wed, 01/12/2005 - 10:59pm.
Yup. That's the one. Thanks, Mike!
How to stop yourself...?
Posted by marinerd on Mon, 12/20/2004 - 12:52pm.
maybe have a friend do it for you?
Posted by Matt on Mon, 12/20/2004 - 11:29pm.
It's really disturbing, actually.

According to the pamphlet, if all else fails, ask your mother to come into your room each night and bind your wrists with rope, tying you down to the bed. Then she'll untie you when she comes back in the morning to wake you.

Any kid who *doesn't* develop a complex or six from that is superhuman or something.
Oh. My. God.
Posted by miss liss on Tue, 12/21/2004 - 7:19am.
You can't be serious. That's more than disturbing. And they think masturbating's a problem? No problem with Mom tying you down in the bed though. No sir. Yikes!
It *might* solve the masturbation problem...
Posted by umrguy on Tue, 12/28/2004 - 11:22pm.
...but one suspects it might introduce the young person to the whole BDSM thing, which is probably also not, ah, kosher (as it were) either.

-There's someone in my head, but it's not me.-
Posted by Matt on Tue, 12/28/2004 - 11:38pm.
Well, yeah, exactly. That's what I was hinting at when I mentioned the multiple complexes thing.

Seeing as how this is being run as a "family" site, I thought it best to allude to such things. But hey, whatever you can get away with, right?

BTW, more specifically, BDSM with a heavy Oedipal component.
Posted by Mia on Sat, 01/15/2005 - 11:42am.
This is generally not the sort of conversation I have with my residents, but Molly and I were discussing masturbation the other day. She has had several sexual partners, and in between she refrained from masturbating. Her idea was that if you know your body too well, and can easily arouse yourself and--is this the term?--come, have an orgasm, whatever, then your partner is at a disadvantage. Instead of exploring together, you just sit there and wait for the guy to get it right, and figure out what it is you enjoy. She and a mutual friend were discussing it a while ago, and I was somewhat startled to find he did not entertain himself thusly. I guess it is somewhat unnecessary, what with his fiancee and all.
Posted by steff on Sat, 01/15/2005 - 4:40pm.
sit and... wait for the... the guy to.... *uncontrollable giggling* get it RIGHT?!?

oh, hell no.

also, my money says the mutual friend was lying his ass off, as necessity has not a thing to do with it and if he's male and breathing, he's in entirely the wrong demographic to claim restraint.

*breaks out the blacklight and the flame-retardant suit* heh.
Posted by Matt on Sat, 01/15/2005 - 8:03pm.
I'm with steff on this one. Totally. Please, ladies, don't assume that just becuase we parachuted into this unknown terrain, that we have a map and GPS to guide us. We've got a general idea of the goal and, usually, that's about it.

And no, bringing out the light sticks used to guide planes at airports is not overkill. It's almost always quite appreciated.
Posted by Mia on Sun, 01/16/2005 - 11:11am.
Perhaps I ought to take some notes, on the one in a trillion chance I get the opportunity to experiment? Number One: in case the Boy Scout comes unprepared, at least have a light stick.
Posted by ParU on Sat, 01/29/2005 - 9:10pm.
Mia - don't sell yourself short. There's someone out there for you, just look where you like to be, and there he'll be! (That is, if you don't like bars, then don't go to bars to pick up guys, go to church or whereever you like to go).
On the main topic, my advice is the more communication the better, but we really oughta ask Monk, cause he's the real expert.
It's Amino world without Chemists
Posted by Mori on Wed, 02/02/2005 - 11:51pm.
I married a man last month that I met on the internet three years ago. So far, so good on him not being an axe murderer!

Communication indeed.
Posted by paul on Sat, 01/29/2005 - 10:46pm.
Like CNN and the Weather Channel: constant updates.

As for where to meet people... well, I dunno if I'm the best one to advise anyone, but I found mine on match.com two years ago. It worked out well for me, but Your Mileage May Vary.
Posted by Cebu on Fri, 04/29/2005 - 8:56am.
I've recently met a great guy through eHarmony. :D
Posted by Jon on Mon, 05/02/2005 - 7:08am.
Glad to hear that worked out well for you, Cebu. Happy trails!

- My mind is in the gutter, but it keeps out the bad weather.
Posted by paul on Sat, 01/15/2005 - 2:05pm.
I beg to differ. If you get to know your body well, you can direct your partner to what feels good, and they get the satisfaction of sending you through the roof. And if you're not so desperately horny when the time comes, it's not all over in two minutes.

Posted by Jon on Mon, 12/20/2004 - 1:31pm.
Hmm, I'm thinking more drastic steps are required.

Though if a friend is 'helping' before marriage, that might cause a different moral dilemma. :)
Do people
Posted by hypoxic on Thu, 12/16/2004 - 2:05pm.
ever really acknowledge that they were even in a cult? I mean either they are deprogrammed and are embarressed by it or they don't ever think of it as a cult.
Posted by Monk on Fri, 12/17/2004 - 7:31am.
hypoxic, that's just silly. People wouldn't be embarrassed about it. I'm sure you've just never met someone that used to be in a cult. I mean - why would they lie? That would be like saying I was in some kind of cult..ha....ha...ha.

They are close friends, but no - the Zirconian Monk has given us his plan. His vision is all seeing. That is why it is wrong to lie. Admission of the one is like killing two birds with one grain of sand slipping through the hourglass of the universe.

But a cult? ha - don't be silly!

Please pass the Kool-Aid.

So.....it goes under the bay???
Posted by Matt on Fri, 12/17/2004 - 9:23am.
Where the hell's slugbuggy?
Hello, mom?
Posted by Monk on Thu, 12/16/2004 - 1:14pm.
unless she's meeting the parents...

Actually, some people probably do.
Posted by Mike on Thu, 12/16/2004 - 12:53pm.
Most don't brag about it afterwards, but it's a really common technique for cults to use attractive female recruiters as bait for impressionable would-be victims.

Uh, don't ask how I know that.

[edit] A post about cults and relationships and I forget to mention the whole Tom Cruise thing! Can you think of a more plausible reason for divorcing Nicole Kidman?
Posted by Matt on Thu, 12/16/2004 - 12:21pm.
Maybe not, but I wish someone would. Imagine the humility it would take to say, "Hey, remember when I moved from The Haight to French Guyana? That's where I met Kirsten. And we've been together ever since."
Posted by Saint on Thu, 12/16/2004 - 12:20pm.
Oh, I don't know. I know a couple that met at Quikstar (sp?) meetings, and that's pretty cultish...
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