Archived comment by LB:
Computers are incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid: humans are incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant; together they are powerful beyond imagination.
-- Albert Einstein

Archived comment by Apple:
I'm going to add "right bastard" to my list of must-use phrases! Yep!

Archived comment by Mike:
Okay then, he's a right bastard. It's still not a compliment.

Archived comment by Kris the Girl:
69! 69! Wee!

Archived comment by Apple:
Actually, Ponygirl, Chris Rock did say it on Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn. He was probably quoting, but he didn't mention that he was when he quoted it.

*grin*

Archived comment by Ponygirl:
The quote everyone's been attributing to Chris Rock is actually not, but I have no idea who Dave Paulsen is and I guess Chris Rock's more famous so it sounds better saying it comes from him.

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, The Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war."
--Dave Paulsen

Though I do like the add-in about the tall Chinese guy in the NBA. ;)

Archived comment by umrguy:
A little John Lennon...

People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing,
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
When I say that I'm o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
Surely you're not happy now you no longer play the game,

People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away,
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,
When I tell them that I'm doing Fine watching shadows on the wall,
Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball?

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go,

People asking questions lost in confusion,
Well I tell them there's no problem,
Only solutions,
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind,
I tell them there's no hurry...
I'm just sitting here doing time,

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.
I just had to let it go.
I just had to let it go.

Archived comment by Denise:
Adding my Friday song... I'm sort of sad today...
and I've always loved this song by Elvis Costello:



One day you're gonna have to face
the deep dark truthful mirror
and it's gonna tell you things
I still love you too much to say

The sky was just a purple bruise
The ground was iron
and you fell all around the town
til you looked the same.

Same eyes... same lips...
The same lie from your tongue trips
deep dark
deep dark truthful mirror
deep dark truthful mirror

Now the flagstone streets where the newspaper shouts
ring to the boots of the roustabouts
and you're never in any doubt
that something's happening somewhere
You chase down the road til your fingers bleed
on a fiberglass tumbleweed
You can blow around the town
but it all shuts down the same

Same eyes... same lips...
The same lie from your tongue trips
deep dark
deep dark truthful mirror
deep dark truthful mirror

Archived comment by Kris the Girl:
Fri-diddly-day!!! And here's my song.
And then I'm leaving. Well, this afternoon. You people have a good weekend.

He left me wide eyed
in disbelief and disillusion
I was tongue-tied
drawn by my confusion
and so I turned and walked away
and laughed at what he had to say
and casually dismissed him as a fraud...

Archived comment by Barry:
"Now, gods, stand up for bastards!"
King LEAR SCENE II. The Earl of Gloucester's castle.

Now, back to lurking....

Archived comment by tim:
Oooooooooh KtG one of my favorites
my other one is
" I've always been intrested in people, but I've never liked them"
W. Somerset Maugham

Archived comment by Paul:
"Life is unfair- that's a given. The best you can hope for is that sometimes it will be unfair in your favor."

--Zoltan Ovzwing

Archived comment by Kris the Girl:
"

(dammit.)

Archived comment by Kris the Girl:
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
-W.Somerset Maugham

Archived comment by Ameroogie:
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. -Ana�s Nin

Archived comment by Just Curious:
I heard another version of the Chris Rock quote:

Only in America can the best rapper is white, the best golfer is black, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, Frances thinks that we're arrogant, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and our country is being run by guys with the name Bush, Dick and Colon!

Archived comment by umrguy:
Somewhere tucked away I have a "Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Star Trek" poster... but I also prefer the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition (see namelink). Some of my personal favorites:

8. Small print leads to large risk.
10. Greed is eternal.
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34. War is good for business.
35. Peace is good for business.
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.
60. Keep your lies consistent.
(Rule 76 has already been mentioned...)
177. Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
266. When in doubt, lie.
284. Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
And my personal favorite,
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Archived comment by Inuki:
"Let the Wookiee win."

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try."

"Travelling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops."

Whenever anyone says "I have a bad feeling about this," expect things to go from bad to worse. Very quickly.

Ok, I admit it. I love Star Wars. *grins* I even have a T-shirt with some of these on it - "All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from Star Wars." And a Yoda poster. And -- ok, I'll shush now.

Archived comment by dave:
Yes, he could be a right bastard.

Archived comment by Joe Napalm:

Oh. We can quote other people?

Huh.

*Grin*

-Jn-
Efreeti Sophist

Archived comment by BB:
The face of a child says it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Archived comment by dancingnancy:
So... umm... I happen to have 22 pages' worth of quotes like this. Guess you could say it's sort of a hobby. So I'll try to keep this brief.
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you. - Francoise Sagan
On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time. � George Orwell
We are all in the gutter. But some of us are looking at the stars. -Oscar Wilde
Fashions fade, style is eternal. - Yves Saint Laurent
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. - Ronald Reagan
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. - George Santayana
Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world. - Mary Shafer
The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations. - David Friedman
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. - Winston S. Churchill

Ok, I think that's a good selection. I apoligize in advance if anything is attributed incorrectly, but do let me know so I can fix it!

Archived comment by ParU:
Just saw a great Chris Rock saying:

It's a strange world where the best rapper is white, the best golfer is black, the Germans don't want to go to war and the French think we're arrogant.

Archived comment by Mike:
No way Arvid! What about that one Star Trek episode where the crew finds Mudd on the planet of robots and they beat the robots by acting silly and asking paradoxical questions and...

"Anyone who gains life lessons from Star Trek is a dork."

Archived comment by Denise:
Experience is something you gain JUST after you needed it.

Archived comment by Arvid:
Anything that thinks logically can be fooled by anything that thinks more logically than it.

So it's not funny but it is very true.

Archived comment by Oldman:
Steff's reminded me of this quote attributed to Saki.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanations.

Archived comment by steff:
heh. this falls strictly into the "don't get me started" category. i will go on and on... and on.

...and, did i mention, on?

let's just leave you with: "Never underestimate the power of constant misrepresentation." - charles darwin

Archived comment by Mia:
"Beat me with the truth, don't torture me with lies."

"People are funny. They want the front of the bus the middle of the road, and the back of the church."

"The hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill."

"Goals are dreams with deadlines."

"Hell is not a place, it is a state of mind and body. Hell is obsession with a voice, a face, a name." Susan Kay's Phantom

"O, our lives' sweetness, that we the pain of death would hourly die rather than die at once." King Lear

"Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice."

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." ee cummings

Archived comment by daen:
Never argue with idiots-- they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Never wrestle with a pig. Both of you will get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Archived comment by tim:
"All that we are is a direct result of all we have thought- Buddha

"Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs"- Lily Tomlin

"I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path."-The Dalai Lama

" Don't you know there aint no Devil, that's just God when he's drunk"- Tom Waits


" Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?" - W.C Fields

Archived comment by Noyock:
A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.

Once in a while declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

"Don't let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what is right." - Salvor Hardin

And, of course, my current answering machine message:

We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

Archived comment by Saint:
"Never annoy the postal service. They know where you live."

This isn't true, you know. The post office sent out a "how's our service" survey, and the one addressed to my name had my brother's address.

My personal faves?

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Confusion creates jobs.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

If you understand it, it's obsolete.

Archived comment by Inuki:
"People like you are the reason people like me need medication."

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."

"Keep your mouth shut and let others think you an idiot, rather than open it and remove all doubt."

"Do not go to the Elves for advice, for they will say both yes and no."

The first two are T-shirts (second taking from Tolkein), the third is a maybe-paraphrased Mark Twain, the fourth is Tolkein.

Archived comment by Monk:
No man is smart, except by comparison to those who know less
- Edgar Watson Howe

Archived comment by someguyintexas:
You may be right...

"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
- - Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
- - Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- - Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- - Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

...they may be bastards

Archived comment by Just Curious:
Some of my favorite Words for the Day:

"When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout"

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines"

"If I throw you a stick, will you leave?"

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before"

"Lead me not into temptation; I know the way"

Ok, I'm done now.......

Archived comment by Zedley:
A quote from the book of the namelink;

'every I.T. deparment runs at a minimum of two crises a day'

I think if you averaged all the crises out over a year, you might get two a day. Seems like more this week!

Archived comment by A. F. S. P.:
Isn't it "Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do?"

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the oven.

To the world, you are one person. To one person, you are the world.

Archived comment by Matt:
Well, Joe, if nothing else, your camel appears healthy and hydrated.


Bummer.

Archived comment by DoughPoet:
Nice laundry math.

If only this quote weren't true. Sadly, no matter how much we might want these people not to be right, they still are...*grudgingly* sometimes.

Archived comment by Joe Napalm:
What's this?

Wise Words for the Day!

Never annoy the postal service. They know where you live.

Always be polite to people carrying guns, chainsaws, or nuclear devices.

Only the guy who did the wiring knows for certain what the colors mean.

They never look up.

Cover could always use a hug.

I'm not invisible. I'm behind you.

If it's shiny, it probably belongs to someone else.

If it's smarter than you, it's probably up to something.

"But it's never been done before!" probably means it's been done before but there were no survivors.

Success is secondary to making the attempt.

If you're doing it right it won't matter if you're orange. This applies to all things.

At terminal velocity, things can only improve.

Just because you can see their teeth doesn't always mean they're happy to see you.

Just because they're happy to see you doesn't always mean you can trust them.

Just because it worked doesn't mean it was a good idea...and vice versa.

If you're still wondering what happened to him, that's probably not the best place to do it.

It generally doesn't pay to be the path of least resistance.

If you have to come up with a justification it probably means that you know better.


Anyway. That's all I've got, for the moment...besides, that's seventeen days worth, for the price of one.

To sleep...perchance, to dream...aye, there's the rub...

-Jn-
Efreeti Sophist

Archived comment by Mia:
Voil�:

Laundry Math: 1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock

Archived comment by umrguy:
I prefer this one that came to me the other day (I think it's original):

"When you choose your companions on the journey of life, be sure to get one who will bring the snacks."

Of course, let us never forget such classics as:
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."
"I don't exercise. My philosophy is no pain, no pain."

Archived comment by Mia:
I found this amusing when I was putting together my Amazon order:


Customers who wear clothes also shop for:
�Clean Underwear from Amazon's Target Store
�Ladybug Rain Boots from Amazon's Nordstrom Store
�Pet Socks from Amazon's Urban Outfitters Store
�Helicopter Sleepwear Sets for Baby from Amazon's Old Navy Store

Archived comment by CinnamonTeal:
"... And whether you can hear it or not the universe is laughing behind your back."

Archived comment by Matt:
"Two wrongs never make a right, but three do.
A walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love, therefore, it will stick to your face.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, even though they be toadies. Know what to kiss, and when.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Always remember that however history may be written, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there will always be a big future in computer maintenance."

Archived comment by Mia:
Reminds of the sideways arithmetic from Wayside School.

Archived comment by Kris the Girl:
Blargh blargh blargh!!
(look, it's a digital dog bark!)

I had something to say, but I totally forgot what it might've been. Hee heee! I'm thoroughly amused by Apple's math and the double entendre negatives. heh. Spleeky!

Archived comment by Apple:
OK, take away the original child, mom's prego with the twins and you get:

Mom + Dad = four

Or something like it. I think that's what I meant. I need sleep.

*grin*