13 May 2006
Submitted by eve on Sat, 05/13/2006 - 10:56pm. Funny
"My excuse is that I frontload my pricklyness, so girls just run from the beginning. What's your excuse for losing them after date three?"
--One guy to another at Red Box Sushi.
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High risk, high reward
Posted by Mike on Mon, 06/05/2006 - 2:27pm.
Sounds a viable strategy if you have enough patience. If a person accepts you at your absolute worst from the outset, well, you are golden from then on right? At least it would make for more amusing blind dates.

(*daily slashy check... failed*)
Did you say amusing?
Posted by jcharles on Tue, 06/06/2006 - 6:55am.
I think you should try the strategy out, and let us know how it goes. Your blind dates are more amusing; we get to hear the funny stories. Everyone wins!

What is wrong with the tracker?
If you like your amusement at a glacial pace...
Posted by Mike on Tue, 06/06/2006 - 9:52am.
Then sure, I guess it could work out.

In the meantime, there already is a cottage industry built up around the premise:


I used to watch it but... hey, is there a word for when you feel mortally embarrassed for someone else?
Posted by Bael on Tue, 06/06/2006 - 11:11am.
Rob Schneider, maybe. That is how his movies make me feel.
I mean, really, who is paying for these things?

Reality is the leading cause of stress in the world today.
A case of the prickles
Posted by Mike on Thu, 06/08/2006 - 10:16am.
Why, we all are! Paying and paying and paying.

Prickliness... prickliness... okay, here goes.

(*deep cleansing breath*)

Assuming that a person can even identify his/her own worst traits, I would say that my biggest fault is probably over-introversion: too much I in INTP or something. I can socialize perfectly well, and quite often do, but sometimes I will get really fed up all of a sudden and desperately try to bail out of whatever group function I am in.

Not that the need absolutely has to be obeyed-- I would never leave somebody whose appendix had burst just because I needed space or anything-- but sometimes crowds make me inexplicably peevish and the very presence of other people gets on my nerves for no good reason.

There are other things-- dear God, are there other things!-- but if you can handle me occasionally shooing you away so I can lock myself in my room and read or hop on my bike for a day or so without taking it personally... well, I would say that a pretty sizable hurdle has been overcome.

Now I gotta go. Where? Nowhere. None of your business. Jeez!
Posted by paul on Wed, 06/14/2006 - 9:21am.
Mike, I think I know what your problem is- you are just not happy enough. Here. We will make you happy!

EDIT: Gah. Thanks to the slashy thing, you will have to paste the links yourself and edit out the junk. EVE! BENJI! Will one of you please fix this thing again?
It cut off the ending!
Posted by Mike on Thu, 06/15/2006 - 1:21pm.
John K. has a blog: http://johnkstuff.blogspot.com. Surprise surprise, he turns out to be an animation nerd! Heh.

The ads on this thread alternate between trying to set me up on a blind date and trying to sell me a house full of cats. Is there no middle path, Google?
Dates + cats
Posted by Jon on Tue, 06/20/2006 - 11:20am.
Your middle path: http://www.meowmixhouse.com/

After all, they have ladies taking care of the cats...

- My mind is in the gutter, but it keeps out the bad weather.
Posted by steff on Thu, 06/08/2006 - 1:55pm.
well, hell. i have said for years that what i really need in a man is someone who can ignore me in precisely the right way. if a guy can handle me saying \\\"listen, sweetie, how about you go do.... whatever it is that you do, so i can be alone for a while\\\" without taking it personally? golden. and, if not for extreme introversion on the part of most of us, my sister and jcharles and various others could share, too! i\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'m not selfish.

/ pimping

Posted by steff on Thu, 06/08/2006 - 1:57pm.
holy slashies, tabman.

now i have google ads for crab meat. hee!
Posted by jcharles on Tue, 06/13/2006 - 10:46am.
I\'m not sure that a guy with antisocial tendencies is going to take us up on this whole sharing thing. Wouldn\'t that involve more social interaction, not less? And since he specifically said that group settings triggered his Introvert Flight Sequence, I\'m having a hard time picturing how this is going to work out. Unless that\'s not the kind of sharing you meant.

Maybe I should stop talking about him as though he\'s not here. Um, hi Mike.

What is wrong with the tracker?
D +
Posted by slugbuggy on Wed, 05/17/2006 - 5:45am.
Isn't date three traditionally the "green light" date? Maybe he didn't do so well.
I always heard 3 hours. huh.
Posted by Monk on Wed, 05/17/2006 - 1:07pm.
I always heard 3 hours. huh.

So.....it goes under the bay???
Posted by Matt on Sat, 06/10/2006 - 5:50pm.
3 hours worked for me last week.

Lemme think... Okay, started then, went there... went there... went back to her place....

Yup. Just about 3 hours. Nice one, Monk, even if I am a little late to contribute.
Any Tom, Dickin' Hairy?
Posted by Somnambulist on Wed, 05/17/2006 - 7:34am.
Maybe he means he's prickly like a cat... and I'm sure that would be a deterrent.
Posted by Matt on Wed, 05/17/2006 - 10:02pm.
Som, that's just wrong. Really, really wrong.
It pains me to say...
Posted by Somnambulist on Sat, 05/20/2006 - 11:20pm.
I kinda figured I'd get a sharp reply or two over that point... I guess I'm a prick to bring it up.

(did I miss any?)
Well, you could...
Posted by Jon on Mon, 05/22/2006 - 6:25am.
...stop dicking around with those jokes.

- My mind is in the gutter, but it keeps out the bad weather.
Oh, but...
Posted by Somnambulist on Tue, 09/12/2006 - 6:28am.
...I can`t; I`m just a dork like that.
Posted by Jon on Thu, 05/18/2006 - 8:33am.
First time I heard about that 'quality' of felines, I thought it was a joke. Mother Nature has such a nice sense of humor, don't you think?
- My mind is in the gutter, but it keeps out the bad weather.
Poor wittle kitties
Posted by jcharles on Thu, 05/18/2006 - 9:00am.
I first learned about that from an "Encyclopedia of Cats" that my parents gave me for Christmas when I was about... 10? 12?

It does explain why you often can't tell whether they're fighting or mating. Kind of like this thread that recently resurfaced.

What's wrong with the tracker?
Posted by Matt on Thu, 05/18/2006 - 9:08pm.
Thanks, jcharles. I loved that bit of nostalgia. I also, for some odd reason, found one of my posts in there to be laugh-out-loud funny. I miss Denise's posts.

In other news, what the hell's a tracker? I'm becoming obsessed with your .sig.
Come... join us...
Posted by jcharles on Fri, 05/19/2006 - 6:15am.
Hmmm. I wonder if I could change my sig to actually point to the tracker. I shall go and try.

What's wrong with the tracker?
3 dates.... hmmmm. I kind o
Posted by Monk on Tue, 05/16/2006 - 8:57am.
3 dates.... hmmmm. I kind of agree - i don't exactly 'front load' the prickness, but i will make a few references and bring up topics of conversation to test the waters. But since i quit drinking, haven't had anyone run away. Now, the opposite can't be said - perhaps because i now remember what she said/did the next morning. :)

So.....it goes under the bay???
Monk there's a Q
Posted by hypoxic on Tue, 05/16/2006 - 5:33pm.
for you on the April 30th post.

My excuse...
Posted by Somnambulist on Sun, 05/14/2006 - 12:12pm.
...is that I've got a huge blind spot when it comes to realizing when someone finds me attractive, though I'm getting better about that.

It leads to interesting stories, though...
Posted by Matt on Sun, 05/14/2006 - 11:10am.
Look, there's being honest about who you are and then there's being yourself with an extra dose of jackass thrown in. No girl with any self-respect will go on multiple dates with the second one.

Now believe me, I'm not date expert. Far from it. I'm socially retarded, but I'm a little better than I was a few years ago.

Now, maybe this guy really *is* a jackass and there's little hope for him until/if he makes a genuine change to his personality. Which is possible. My guess is, this guy's in his early- to mid-20s, which means he still has the time and capacity to change.

I hate to attribute this quote to its speaker, so let's just say "a celebrity" said recently, "Men in their forties know who they are. Men in their twenties don't have a clue, and men in their thirties only *think* they know who they are."

Pretty true, in my experience.
So guys, when you meet some amazing girl, go out for a while, and she makes suggestions on how you can improve yourself through change, be open to it. And nine times out of ten, embrace it. They usually know what they're talking about. And if one or more of your guy friends give you crap for allowing some chick to change you, just remember 1) you're never going to have sex with your guy friends and 2)there' no possibility you'll ever marry one of them. "Bros before hos" is what single guys say to comfort themselves.

Here endeth the rant.
I don't know about the changing thing
Posted by hypoxic on Sun, 05/14/2006 - 12:05pm.
I don't think that people really ever change due to the suggestion of others. Change is only via internal stresses and if you change for another person I think you'll end up resenting them. Good relationships are about compromise and communication. Both people make incremental adjustments as opposed to a one sided shift. IE if one person is messy and the other super neat both sides will have to meet in the middle. One maybe is allowed to have an area where mess is acceptable and the other person can't flip out if the messy person slips up. And if it is bothering you let the other person know early rather then later when it is to late. So be careful about people that want to change you.

And yes I'm all for prickliness in the beginning if that is who you are.
Posted by Matt on Sun, 05/14/2006 - 10:48pm.
Well said, but compromise--in any form--is still change. I'm not talking about monumental changes, like selling your mid-80s Toyota hatchback and going into debt so you can get that pre-owned late model Benz she thinks you should be driving, or moving in because he thinks it's a good idea and then taking on all domestic chores because he's "too busy" or anything like that.

But to get personal (it always does, doesn't it?), my girl has made suggestions to me that have worked out quite well.

Example: I have sensitive skin and a tough beard, which makes shaving a catch-22. A good, close shave with run-of-the-mill shaving creams and after shave and a disposable razor leaves my face looking like a cooked lobster. So she suggested Kiehls as a way to help my problem. "It's expensive, but worth it," she said. And she was right. On both counts, though I was able to take a considerable chip out of the expense by buying on eBay. I spend a little more and get a close shave without all the facial skin trauma.

So that's the kind of tack I was taking in my last post.
The Nature of the Beast?
Posted by Bael on Mon, 05/15/2006 - 6:05am.
I'm not really sure your example is really a case of her changing you. It sounds like she simply provided a new solution to an existing problem, since you seem to prefer shaving to begin with. At any rate, that is just cosmetic. Who wouldn't prefer to be physically attractive to their chosen mate?

It is the major behavioral issues that cause the real troubles, as they are not usually a simple matter of habit or convenience. telling me to cheer up, for example, is likely to trigger the vast store of sarcasm I keep where most people have a sense of humor. I find the effort roughly analagous to a suggestion to breathe carbon monoxide. The effort does far more harm than good.

But I'm fairly contrary to begin with.

Reality is the leading cause of stress in the world today.
Change vs Compromise
Posted by jcharles on Tue, 05/16/2006 - 12:50pm.
When it comes to two people getting along in a relationship, I think there's a difference between change and compromise. The "prickliness" that the first speaker talks about seems to be a basic personality trait, something that would be incredibly difficult to change. He doesn't seem to have any intention of changing his prickly personality, and he might be making a wise decision there, or at least one that's more honest than a lot of people in the dating world.

Compromise is more two people agreeing on a kind of middle ground. One person likes to sleep in a cold room, the other in a warm room, so they work out a temperature that's reasonable for both of them, or they hook up a fan blowing on only one of them, or something. Nobody's actually changing who they are or what they like, they're just changing the way they do things to make the other person happier.

I don't think real change is impossible, but it takes time, and a lot of effort. I'm kind of vague about how much a person should change for an SO. She could be helping you grow as a person, or she could just be a manipulative, controlling shrew.

What's wrong with the tracker?
Ah, late Saturday night...
Posted by Mike on Sun, 05/14/2006 - 5:26am.
That magical time when it's too early to go home, but late enough to realize that your romantic prospects for the night are virtually nil: when you first notice that it's a Flying Dutchman-level sausage-fest and trot out all your suppressed anger and recrimination! Heh.

Not that I know anything about that. I spent my Saturday night weaseling out of a strip club trip/bar crawl, so... wait... uh...
Dumb luck?
Posted by steff on Sun, 05/14/2006 - 2:00am.
maybe after three dates his prickly comes out. i can't help wondering if the first guy is teasing him for losing them, or for letting them hang around for three dates in the first place.

first post! *grin*
Posted by Saint on Sun, 05/14/2006 - 9:49am.
I think whoever the speaker is talking to gave him a hard time for never getting past a first date, and the speaker shot back. He is prickly, after all.

You know, it seems very fair and reasonable to let your date know how you really are from the get-go. Saves a lot of time. From now on, I resolve never to be on my best behavior on a first date.

--I am powerless over my addiction to parenthesis.--
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