Only if your real name is April. Or Sissypants.


Never apologize. Never explain.

There was a spider in my bath puff this morning. In my bath puff! I couldn't even threaten to go home. I am thinking about getting a cat, not least so it can supplement its diet with the tasty protein of spiders and other horrible insects.


Never apologize. Never explain.

My cat refuses to eat vermin of any sort. Even mice are beneath her, and bugs and spiders are out of the question; only birds are good enough to bother with. My grandmother's neighbor's cat ate a brown recluse--the poison turned the cat's throat necrotic, and although the vets tried hard to do something for it, I think the poor thing had to be put to sleep. So, yeah, I'm comfortable with my cat not eating spiders.

-Can't stop, the weasels are closing in!

I adopted a pregnant stray, who couldn't prey on anything to save her life. I've seen a mouse run circles around her while she watched complacently.

Her kittens, however, have been predators since birth. They caught that mouse (at 3 months old) and are forever leaving dismembered crickets and moths lying around. Once they even ripped apart a wasp. They seem to have some sort of instinct about which critters are bad, though, because every once in a while they find a spider they won't touch. Instead, they scream at the top of their lungs until I find a shoe to smash it with.

Hmmm. I'm not sure whether I prefer live spiders or dismembered crickets. I suppose if they're dismembered they can't crawl on you, right?

I still want a cat though. I do love kittens, but at the risk of succumbing to creeping materialism, I'm getting a brand new couch on Monday and I don't want them to rip it to shreds. I should be at home now shoving furniture out of the way to make room for it, but I am instead huddled here in the air conditioning. Why do I own so many things? Why do I keep putting off the inevitable unpacking? It's not as though someone's going to do it for me. Unless Apple wants to pop over and help.


Never apologize. Never explain.

I adopted a 3- or 4-month-old kitten last week. He spent a few days trying to dismember his own reflection in the full-length mirror and will attack anything that moves, so I'm hoping he'll be death on spiders and insects. I think we're just north of brown recluse territory, so hopefully that won't be a problem.


Never apologize. Never explain.