http://ask.metafilter.com/mefi/40759

No one will ever see this. Heh.

Okay, the google ads about underwear make sense, but the adult diapers one? Come on, google.

Archived comment by Saint:
My friend doesn't wear pants unless he absolutely has to, and that isn't very often. He favors shorts. I always used to wonder why, but now the discussion about zipper-scrape (combined with my I-never-wanted-to-know knowledge that he doesn't wear underwear) has let me reach understanding.

Archived comment by Lana:
I guess seeing as I've spent the last hour trying to make some sense out of this conversation, I should at least write something... This conversation made me feel right at home! I just started university and my friends back in highschool used to talk like this all the time. I had been missing "boxers vs. briefs" type discussions... As funny as that sounds...

And it was great feeling "in the loop" for the Hitchiker references... I've only read the first and I'm still looking for the rest, but I love it! (and it is hard to read them without a british accent in your head!)

YAY LONG MESSAGE!!!

P.S. Thankyouverymuch, I will never look at a croissant the same way, ever ever again!

Archived comment by Obsidiana:
he he...a lot of the guys I know prefer skirts to pants...and a lot of the girls prefer pants to skirts

Archived comment by Jon:
Women may or may not like boxer-briefs, but they're just part of the underwear conspiracy. They're still briefs.

Archived comment by Mike:
*Please* tell me you're kidding.

Archived comment by ChefPurp:
This has certainly been enlightening. Am I the only one who (a) uses the pee-hole in his boxers, and (b) rather enjoys the sensation of his "croissant" scraping the inside of his zipper? Just curious.

Archived comment by steff:
mmmmm....boxer briefs.... er. how do you type drooling noises?

Archived comment by Billybob:
I was going to add an amazingly interesting
insightful remark about
"Well , I enjoy wearing pants"
...but it seems inappropriate now.

Gotta go and read how the change of topic
occurred

Archived comment by Oedalis:
And when it comes to wierd preferences...
Sure, there are guys who are "shaved pubes fanatics", but some guys actually like bush. I was once with a man who would have been very displeased if I'd suddenly decided to shave that.

Archived comment by Oedalis:
As far as easy access goes...
I like that little flap on boxers...makes it so much more convenient for me to let my lover know I'm "in the mood" when in private, y'know?

Archived comment by Oedalis:
Mike,
You say you're *still* looking for a good suggestion? I thought Montygirl's Stitch-Witchery idea sounded perfectly reasonable, easy and not time-consuming at all.

Archived comment by Montygirl:
And I'm sure with the imagination you guys have demonstrated here, you could come up with all kinds of creative stories:

"kinky sex with a masochist I dated once"

"I wanted to impress the firewalkers at our last meeting"

"I was a spy and was interrogated by this German/Chinese Woman known for her prowess for getting a man to talk. She tried, but couldn't make me talk... yeah, she broke down in tears..."

Archived comment by Montygirl:
Mike, et al,

I think guys tend to get stuck in a rut: They don't buy new underwear until they're dating a new girl, then they don't buy anymore for at least 3 or 4 years *after* that relationship goes south. So, maybe the fashion industry doesn't find it necessary to redesign an unflappable pair of briefs... I mean, its not like you guys are out burning your underwear in protest.

Archived comment by seleta:
does the flap make "adjustments" easier? or is it the reason for them?

Archived comment by Mike:
seleta: 5 minutes x 2 dozen pairs of boxers= TOO MUCH WORK.

Montygirl: A group of weird people obsessively discussing irrelevant minutiae over the Internet? Yeah, IP Admin's got a one-of-a-kind situation going here...
If the slot is a holdover from more innocent times, then why has it survived while other things, such as the "poop flap" that used to be on the back of old pajamas and underwear, deservedly been phased out?
And Lance Murdock left something out: scars are only cool if there is an exciting story to go along with them. "I accidentally burned my pee-pee with dryer-heated metal" is hardly designed to impress *anyone*.
Okay, I'm REALLY going now....

Archived comment by seleta:
Mike, honey, quick home-ec lesson:

"tacking" is a sewing term that means to take a needle and thread and sew 3-4 stitches in the same spot. it takes less than 5 minutes and should produce very few injuries, unless of course you stab yourself with the needle. no sharp objects are left in your undies, i promise.

Montygirl, i think you hit the nail on the head!! i think the union suits had a button on the flap and then also the lovely little flap in the rear.

i love my boxers!! i used to have this cute little dress...navy with white polka dots...short short...and wore a pair of matching boxers under...the 400 mile-an-hour Texas plains wind could do alot of visual damage and the boxers were better than a slip!!

Archived comment by Montygirl:
Mr. Johnson, paging, Mr. Johnson.

Archived comment by Montygirl:
Oh, Mike! I think I have the reason for which that damnable flap exists! OK, men used to wear one-piece underwear, you know, the old union suits? Well, that's probably why they put a flap there, so the men didn't have to undress completely to let the cat out of the hat, so to speak. Just my guess.

P.S. - maybe you could sew on a couple of those little snaps. Yes, the hot-out-of-the dryer issue still poses a potential threat, but remember: Pain is temporary and chicks dig scars!

And yes, I had an epiphany over the weekend: IP is sort of like Ed Harris in The Truman Show. She's up there just laughing at us. Marveling at what her little creation has grown into, wondering if we will ever realize we're some sort of sick and twisted experiment of hers that's she's going to write a book about, then sell the rights to some production company and make millions while all we'll get is a bitter pill called jealousy...

Sorry for ranting ... it's amazing how much stuff I can think up and rationalize when there's way too much tequilla involved.

Archived comment by Mike:
Montygirl: That's what you get for having an outside life.
seleta: NO TACKS! The poor woman must have to sit down *sometime*.
Look, I have some work to do now, but I'll check back later--and when I do I expect to see some *VIABLE* (translation: "lazy") solutions to this underwear gap problem. Something that would take a minimum of effort. Why should I have to work to negate the effects of an underwear accessory which no one ever uses anyway?

See you later.

Archived comment by seleta:
thanks Mike, he did eventually find it on his own...maybe he felt a draft..it is a little chilly in here this morning...poor thing...i didn't giggle...but i did have to leave the room for a minute...i just kept thinking of all the things posted here...darn, i guess i'll never grow up...maybe my mom is right when she still treats me like i'm 12!!!

Archived comment by seleta:
steff...you could tack it shut...flannel ones are so comfortable!! but if they are frontwards..there's this bunching of material in the front...and my bum is small enough i never have a draft (unfortunately God gave me bumps up top, *butt* not on bottom...)

Archived comment by Montygirl:
Wow! I need to learn to log in over the weekends!

Guys, if you can't operate a needle and thread, try the stuff called Stitch-Witchery. You just put a piece between 2 pieces of fabric and hold an iron to it. PRESTO! the fabric is fused together!

I have a few pair of boxers myself, fortunately, girls don't have the peek-a-boo problems guys do. :)

Mike, you can wear panties if you want, but I doubt any guys have the rear to make them fit properly.

Personnaly, I like the boxer-briefs on guys. There not silly-looking like briefs, and they flatter more than boxers. Way cool.

Archived comment by Mike:
Casually ask him if today is an "open fly date" and see if he gets it. Try to keep a straight face.

Archived comment by seleta:
omigosh!! there is this man in my office right now (i am a travel agent) and his fly is open...i thought of all you fellas and your *dilemna*...how do you delicately approach someone of an older generation (like 60 or so) with a slight language barrier...argh...sometimes it is difficult to be a genteel southern woman!!!

Archived comment by steff:
*GASP* you get men to hear you after only TWICE? you are a goddess!!!! tell me how, tell me HOW! *grin* but yeah, i was wondering if our esteemed host is thinking of setting up a chat room so we don't use her site for our own evil purposes, or if she just prefers watching us make fools of ourselves in semi-public. and i'm afraid to wear boxers backwards for the same reason these men are afraid to wear them forward. the draft!

Archived comment by seleta:
steff...it's ok...men usually need to hear something a couple of times before it sinks in anyway (kidding...no throwing of tomatoes)*hehe*

i also thought about adding how when we wear boxers they are more comfortable backwards...even if we do not have a big "bum" it is nicer to have the *extra room* in the rear...

hey...has anyone else here realized that we have some serious conversational tangents going on here??? do i see a spin-off in our future or something?

Archived comment by steff:
oh. heh. i see seleta already pointed out the whole 'panties' problem. sorry. thanks seleeeetaaaa! *wave* how inattentive of me.

Archived comment by steff:
i do find it imPOSSible to read douglas adams without a british accent in my head, don't you? and the panties would never work. have you noticed that men and women are built... well, differently? and have you seen women walking around with LOTS of extra fabric in the front of their undies? ok, have you seen the pics in the victoria's secret catalog? *snicker*

Archived comment by seleta:
oh...my...goodness!!!

panties?? hmmm...no. i would think they would be a leeeetle tight in the front...they do make men's bikini's however...

Archived comment by Deodand:
Pants. The subject was pants.

I have a friend who wears a jock strap, sans cup, all the time. He hates the confinement of underwear. Is this a viable option for y'all?

Archived comment by Mike:
Your flaps have BUTTONS? Mine have nothing! They're practically propped open half the time! No wonder my croissant keeps breaking out of cotton/poly prison! I got stuck with the minimum-security version!

Archived comment by Mike:
"Ding Dong Danger"*: tonight on a "very special episode."

*parental discretion advised

Archived comment by Pary:
Mike, I would tell you the details of the story, only I have sold them to ABC for an afterschool special. Suffice to say when the soldier stood at attention, attention is truly what he got.
As for the padding issue? Difficult to fathom...being a boxer man myself, I am full aware there is no crossover of cloth to protect said member, merely a flap and a button. This slot is definantly created for torture.
As average men we are damned by the slot coupled with our inability to sew it shut.

Archived comment by Mike:
Oh, and I figure that most people start out in briefs just because briefs are *cheaper*.

Archived comment by Mike:
hmmm...
You, know, the easiest and most obvious way to avoid the dangers of the pee slot would be to simply find and wear your size of _panties_...
But what man could pull THAT off without losing *all* respect? What do you think, ladies? Would you allow your man to wear women's underwear if you "both agreed that it's strictly a comfort thing?" (how come there's a "Simpsons" reference for every subject I stumble into?)

Archived comment by Mike:
I was just looking over the past few comments... man, anyone who came through this section last night must have thought we were the biggest lunatics on Earth... and I'm not sure that that conclusion is too far off.
...Speaking of conclusions, the weirdest thing about the Hitchhiker "trilogy" was the subconscious effect it had on me as I read it. By the time I finished "Mostly Harmless" I realized that I was actually disappointed that there was no resolution of the "Ultimate Question" problem; I had actually come to expect Douglas Adams to supply something along the lines of an *actual real-life explanation* of life's mysteries. Guess it just goes to show you how completely the books sucked me in...
...But, unlike those books, I WILL NOT be satisfied until I get a real answer to the question at hand: WHY do those "pee slots" *exist*? I have yet to come across any completely acceptable answer. The fact that something so inscrutable and mystifying can be so universally accepted threatens to destroy my faith in humanity (again). Is there no logic to our civilization? Does God play dice with the universe? Everything hinges on finding an answer to this underwear question!!
...Oh, and about the briefs slippage question: I have never gone *completely* through the pee slot in a pair of briefs-- come on, I'm not *that* small-- but I distinctly remember *several* instances in which the ol' croissant somehow managed to get its tip worked into the thin space between folds in a pair of briefs-- which is why I referred to the experience as "pinching and painful," and why I am determined, despite the obvious flaws of boxers, to NEVER WEAR BRIEFS AGAIN.
But boxers vs. briefs is a whole new argument...
Let's figure out the pee slot thing first.
(um, what WAS the original topic of this section?)

Archived comment by umrguy:
Maybe they're just mostly harmless, but I don't know... 'course, I'm still working on learning how to fly - haven't gotten the part about missing the ground yet

Archived comment by umrguy:
Guess I just need a fish in my ear to help me understand it.

'Course, listening to that could be unpleasantly like being drunk....

Archived comment by ratchetcat:
Mike, I just quote latin drinking songs from the 13th century to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief.

At any rate, no need for a book, just 'Americanize' the pronunciation.

Archived comment by umrguy:
Probably everyone starts out in briefs... maybe because they're kind of like diapers/training pants/etc..

I agree... it would almost certainly take an Act of God to have slippage occur in briefs... which is presumably why I haven't had said problem

Archived comment by ratchetcat:
Thinking back, I would have to say it's difficult to experience slippage in briefs save by an Act of God. When it occurs, however, it is usually the worst. Words like 'pinching and painful' barely begin to convey the experience.

Does everyone start out in briefs? If so, why?

Archived comment by umrguy:
"I require your clothes, your boots, and your bike." - "Ahnuld"

Definitely gotta go with those shades. They make you so cool you could keep a side of beef in yourself, if you know what I mean.

Actually, my room isn't that bad, now that I've equipped it with the Total Perspective Vortex to get rid of unwanted visitors....

Archived comment by Mike:
Completely naked except for a pair of shades? How very "Terminator."

Archived comment by ratchetcat:
Small college dorm rooms? Ha! Try "Corrals" or "Slave Quarters"...

And instead of putting towels over our heads or dual towelling (it's just more laundry), why don't we just all wear some shades? Infinitely cooler. (Especially if they allow you to take a relaxed attitude toward danger, if you know what I mean...)

Archived comment by Mike:
4) "Latin For Dummies"

Both, umrguy. I went from briefs to boxers shortly after entering college. slippage in boxers is more frequent; slippage in briefs is more pinching and painful.
By the way, when my family found out I wore boxers, they basically snapped. I came from a clan of dedicated tighty-whitey wearers; they acted like I had been caught smoking crack. "What are THESE?"

Archived comment by umrguy:
I thought I'd ask - is this a problem for boxers or briefs or both?

Mike, as for what we would do when we needed to cover our eyes with our towels if we were to wear them, I see two options: 1. Have a second towel for such purposes, or 2. We can't see the ravenous bugblatter beast(s), therefore they can't see us, so it doesn't matter, anyway.

And for anybody wondering, I DO know where MY towel is... it's hanging less than five feet away from me (ah the joys of small college dorm rooms)

Archived comment by ratchetcat:
Remember to sing!

In taberna quando sumus,
non curamus, quid sit humus,
cui semper insudamus.
Quid agatur in taberna,
ubi summus est pincerna,
hoc est opus ut quaeratur;
sic quid loquar, audiatur.

and so on...

Archived comment by Mike:
3) "Dirty Limericks for Dummies"