5 November 2004
Submitted by eve on Fri, 11/05/2004 - 1:52pm. Funny
"At first I thought he was high, but it turned out he was just a Scientologist."
"Huh. I don't really know much about them."
"Oh, there's a lot there. I thought you were the religion guru?"
"No, the only unusual religions I really know a lot about are the ones that South Park has made fun of."
--Two guys talking on AC Transit
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I suspect that this guy was high too...
Posted by paul on Wed, 12/22/2004 - 6:28pm.
...otherwise I cannot possibly explain this. (work safe)
Posted by steff on Wed, 12/22/2004 - 10:38pm.
how about because it's HYSTERICAL! what more explanation do you need? i watched that far too many times in a row. my cheeks ache.

weirdly concurrent old pop culture chris farley points to matt. i've just been using that.
Posted by Matt on Wed, 12/22/2004 - 11:09pm.
Wow. Those have to be, by far, the most interesting points I've ever gotten.

Scary thing is, I think steff and I are on different thought tracks (for once). I was referencing this quote by Droz, played by Jeremy Piven.
Posted by steff on Thu, 12/23/2004 - 12:47am.
i AM far more fond of The Piven than i am of c.f.

not that that means anything.
Posted by Intelligirly on Thu, 12/23/2004 - 9:15am.
LOVE the Piven!!! yumm

I love Mike!
Posted by Matt on Wed, 12/22/2004 - 9:28pm.
That. Was. Awesome!

A part of me totally wants to be that guy.
Friday Song/ Spot the Relevance
Posted by slugbuggy on Fri, 11/19/2004 - 11:27am.
Friday song! Spot the relevance!

"Deborah was a Catholic girl,
she held out to the bitter end.
Carla was a different type,
she's the one who put it in.
Mary was a black girl,
and I was afraid of a girl like that.
Susan painted pictures sitting down
like the Buddhists sat.

Reno was an aimless girl,
a geographic memory.
Cathy was a Jesus-freak,
she liked that kind of misery.
Vicky had this special way
of turning sex into a song.
Camella couldn't sing,
kept the beat and kept it strong.

Xylla was an archetype,
the voodoo queen the queen of rap.
Joan thought men were second best
to ************ in the bath.
Sherri was a feminist,
she really had that gift of gab.
Kathleen's point of view was this:
take whatever you can grab.

Seattle was another girl
who left her mark upon the map.
Karen liked to tie me up,
and left me hanging by a strap.
Jeannie had this nightclub walk
that made grown men feel underage.
Mary Ellen who had a son
said "I must go," but finally stayed.

Gloria the last taboo
was shattered by her tongue one night.
Mimi brought the taboo back
and held it up before the light.
Marilyn who knew no shame,
was never ever satisfied.
Julie came and went so fast,
she didn't even say good-bye.

Well Rhonda had a house in Venice,
lived on brown rice and cocaine.
Patty had a house in Houston,
shot cough syrup in her veins.
Linda thought her life was empty,
filled it up with alcohol.
Katherine was much too pretty,
she didn't do that **** at all.

Uh-uh. Not Katherine.

Pauline thought that love was simple,
turn it on and turn it off.
Jean-Marie was complicated,
like some French film-maker's plot.
Gina was the perfect lady,
always kept her stockings straight.
Jackie was a rich punk-rocker,
silver spoon and a paper plate.

Sarah was a modern dancer,
lean pristine transparency.
Janet wrote bad poetry
in a crazy kind of urgency.
Tanya Turkish liked to ****
while wearing leather biker boots.
Brenda's strange obsession
was for certain vegetables and fruits.

Roeena was an artist's daughter,
the deeper image shook her up.
Dee-dee's mother left her father,
took his money and his truck.
Debbie-Rae had no such problems,
perfect Norman Rockwell home.
Nina sixteen had a baby,
left her parents lived alone.

Bobbie joined a new-wave band,
and changed her name to Bobbie-sox.
Eloise who played guitar,
sang songs about whales and cops.
Terri didn't give a ****,
just a nihilist.
Ronnie was much more my style,
she wrote songs just like this.

Jezebel went forty days
drinking nothing but Perrier.
Dinah drove her Chevrolet
into the San Francisco bay.
Judy came from Ohio,
she's a Scientologist.
Pomerante here's a kiss,
I chose you to end this list.

Eighty-eight lines about forty-four women."

Keepin' it PG-13 in a FCC world. You can mentally fill in all the "****"s and "************"s with all the ****s and ************s you want.

Also, I count ninety.
Posted by Matt on Fri, 11/19/2004 - 7:14pm.
The Scientologist reference? That's all I got.
Yeah, that's about it.
Posted by slugbuggy on Wed, 11/24/2004 - 4:07pm.
Pretty much. I can't get that lyric out of my head, the way it's enunciated in the song:

"Judy came from O-HI-O;

Over and over. And over.

The list of famous scientologists to which Mike linked to includes Isaac Hayes, who's the voice of Chef in South Park, which is likely why the aforementioned lampooning's never occurred.
Some people have
Posted by Saint on Tue, 11/16/2004 - 10:49am.
too much time on their hands. No, I don't mean me, why do you ask?

And here's someone who likes Windows just as much as I do.
Posted by Saint on Sun, 11/14/2004 - 9:09pm.
Here we are with a sadly undercommented thread again. You guys should really post more, I mean, you're just inviting Random Saint to take over these threads...

The first one is religion-related, sort of. Here's one that's just disturbing. Finally, something for all the people nostalgic for the good ol' days of Zork. All work-safe!
You are in an endless loop of webpages, all alike
Posted by Jon on Mon, 11/15/2004 - 8:01am.
Heh. I'm nostalgic for Zork, but that last link was more like 'Adventure' than an Infocom game. :)
Oh, fine.
Posted by Saint on Mon, 11/15/2004 - 11:31am.
Picky people. Here's Zork, okay?
Last bit of Zork,
Posted by Saint on Wed, 11/17/2004 - 10:17am.
Now that I'm addicted...
Posted by jcharles on Tue, 11/16/2004 - 3:20pm.
Does anyone else have trouble logging in? It asks me if I want to create a new user and then deliberately misunderstands any form of "Yes". I'm going to have to fetch that stupid egg every day.

shenme shenme shenme - It's a cat!
Yeah, me too.
Posted by Saint on Tue, 11/16/2004 - 3:30pm.
I never did figure out how to make it give me a new user account--like you, I couldn't make it accept "yes" or "y" or "yeah" or even "goddamn yes you infernal fucking thing!"

If you aren't attached to the other players, you can download the original Zorks here. Here's another place for Zork online, just follow the instructions; it's a bit on the slow side, but it does let you save and restore. Also there's this site, that lets you save to your own computer...provided you have Java, use all caps, and otherwise jump through hoops. Just for fun, here's the history of Zork.
Posted by steff on Tue, 11/16/2004 - 9:49pm.
how timely of you. i'm all enamored of the interconnectedness - it's a sickness.
And of course...
Posted by jcharles on Tue, 11/16/2004 - 11:13am.
Another classic.

shenme shenme shenme - It's a cat!
Scientology Revisited
Posted by JLSeagull on Mon, 11/08/2004 - 1:32pm.
Personally, I think that one of the prerequisites for being a religion is that the person who founded it should think it's a religion. It's a bad sign when your guru thinks you're nuts...or, maybe it's me thats nuts. Maybe "theological intent" is the root of all evil. Perhaps claiming to know the components of the true faith disqualifies you of sacral status for lack of humility. How does that quote go?...
"I wouldn't want to be a part of any religion that would have me as their deity." - L. Groucho Hubbard
Posted by Matt on Sun, 11/07/2004 - 8:57pm.
I can only assume the second guy is referring to Mormonism. Which, as all South Park fans know, is the only correct answer. All others go to Hell.

"Hi, welcome to Heaven! Would you like some cookies, or maybe some punch? Don't go too far; soon we'll be putting on a play about why lying is bad."

Hey, don't kill the messenger. It's a South Park thing, not mine. The only other religion South Park has made fun of--as far as I can remember--is Catholicism, where the God they worship turns out to be a giant (like 30 feet tall) spider with a dozen eyes. When we all know God really looks like this.
I'd also include...
Posted by Jon on Mon, 11/08/2004 - 8:58am.
If you include Cartman's constant running commentary, I'd say Judaism has had some coal-raking as well. I love South Park... equal-opportunity offenders.
Not to mention
Posted by umrguy on Mon, 11/08/2004 - 10:02am.
Kyle, who's Jewish anyway. But yes, South Park = equal opportunity offenders. Although I would say they've also lampooned Christianity in general, as well, and in particular, the Christian rock establishment, and TV evangelists (although that doesn't take much to be fair).

-There's someone in my head, but it's not me.-
But South Park
Posted by hypoxic on Mon, 11/08/2004 - 7:52am.
does have Jesus. Who at times is a bad ass able to jack up Santa and sometimes a 90# weakling getting schooled by Satan.
There's an alien, and some volcanoes...
Posted by Mike on Sun, 11/07/2004 - 3:19pm.
But if I say much more we might get sued!

(*random starter link*)
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