Strippers don't count! I'm not talking about the type of person who would use a real boa like a feather one! Idiots who use live animals as conversational pieces are high up on my list of morons to avoid. Those guys who constantly walk around campus with puppies, for example: you just know that they end up chaining those dogs in the back yard every evening, and when they get too big to attract women they probably drop them off at the pound or something.

There's a big difference between keeping a pet because it gets you attention and having a pet because you actually care for the animal. Snakes and lizards and turtles make nice pets because they are smooth and raspy and cool to the touch, and because their behaviour patterns are so... non-mammalian. I'm not sure I'm explaining this right.

The idea of a stripper trying to dance with a tortoise is amusing though.

Toads are good too. Because they're squishy. Huh, why did we stop bringing wild animals home anyway? Oh yeah, because my brother lost a garter snake in the house and it crawled out from beneath the refrigerator one day when my mom was in the kitchen. Patience with your children only goes so far.