spyderqueen's blog

Cheez-its are funny

Discussing Cheez-its with WebGuy Dave, Eric and Chris.
Dave seemed to be a little confused as to which cracker Cheez-its were.
Chris: "They're like Cheese Nips, but without the racial slur."
This then prompted Dave to add "Oh, yes, Cheez-its, Cheese Nips and the unsuccessful Cheese Chinks"

--this was a few years ago back in the college computing center.

Ad copy is so stupid

Me: I'm still deeply amused by the phrase "large advertising medium."
Jessica: What, like Miss Cleo?

in regards to some Ad Copy I was reviewing.

"Yes, I live on Crack Street"

"So I'm looking at the link that reads 'Street Names for Drugs of Abuse' and I think, 'why would someone name streets after drugs?' Then I realized 'Oh! STREET names'." --My friend Jessica at work

I'm so tired of anti-impotency drug commercials...

TV Commercial: "Erections lasting more than four hours, while rare, require immediate medical attention".

Mom: "That's gotta pretty embarrassing"
My Sister: "I would think so. Can you imagine going to the emergency room like that?"
Mom: "Yeah, it would be weird. It's kind of like the opposite of 'I've fallen and I can't get up'"

Sometimes I wonder if my sister's on crack or something

*watching teaser for a special on the last days of Christ, because of "The Passion Of The Christ" coming out*

Sister: "Oh for godssake, he doesn't need any more attention!"
Me: *stares amusedly at her*
Sister: "Mel Gibson, not Christ"
Me: "Ah"
Sister: *snickering* "Pay no attention to the man on the cross!"

It must be a mouse in her sweater!

"Would you just let me scratch my boobies in peace? Not everything is a toy!"
--My sister to her cat, who was far too interested in the movement under her sweater.

Once a babbling fangirl, always a babbling fangirl

"He touched me! When he passed it back, he touched me!"
"Way to be 12-years old."

--Two 40 year-old women outside a Billy Idol concert in DC

Ah, A Smartass in the making...

This was actually from a few years ago. Overheard in a shoe store.

Mother: "Now stop that, you know better than that!"
5-year-old: "No I don't, I don't know any better."

Wha?

"How can someone not appreciate the glory that is a stuffed slug made entirely out of dryer lint?"
--This is the line that let my sister guess exactly who I was talking to...

Reality TV hits a new low

This started after we watched the premiere of "Tru Calling"

Mom: "It's too much like that show about the guy who knew everything... What was that show called? It was on Fox... 'Meet John Doe'?"
Me: "Just 'John Doe'"
Mom: "Huh?"
Me: "Not 'Meet John Doe'. 'John Doe'"
My sister "Oh my God! That would be the best reality TV show EVER. 'Meet John Doe': A beautiful woman gets 14 profiles of different guys to pick one to have dinner with. The twist is: They're all dead!"

-I've been begging my sister to post this story on her LJ and she keeps putting it off, so I'll do it. My family is seriously warped, but in a good way.

Customers must think I'm nuts. They're right too..

We have a very elegant orb spider outside the window at the dry cleaners. My solution to keep her safe, that a customer just walked in on me saying with know idea what about.

"So we just tell everyone she's named Charlotte. NO ONE is going to kill a spider named Charlotte! No matter how phobic. It would just be wrong. Thank you EB White."

This later led to a discussion about how to make "Some Pig" appear in her web. But "I don't think she'll appreciate me putting string in her web."

For now I'm just calling her a free Halloween decoration. It's hard to be an arachnophile sometimes...

My sister may actually be weirder than me

*fake whine* "Why is it not closing time yet?"
"Because Baby Jesus hates you."
"He seems to hate me a lot these days... I guess that's what happens when you kick him."
--My sister and me at work at the Dry Cleaners.