Desert Fox's blog

Huh?

"Nobody can understand anything you say! Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Some dude on a bike yelling at someone on his cell phone, San Diego.

Incongruity

"www.i-don't-think-so.com"

-- Some gnarly, biker-looking dude wandering around the aisles of Michael's Craft Store

Hell on Earth, anyone?

"Hey, how's it going?"
"Oh, all right, I guess. We had kind of a bad week."
"Oh yeah? Why's that?"
"Well, I've got this really crappy tenant downstairs right now. He comes home drunk from the bar every night around midnight and starts playing the accordian. Out of tune. To Motown."
(pause)
"I wouldn't mind it nearly so much if he were in tune."
-- Two guys in a coffee shop, Boulder Creek, CA

'You can't have one without the oooother....'

"I just want a wedding. I don't even want a husband right now. I just want a wedding."

-- Some random chick in a Target store, San Diego, California

Synchronicity

Seen in my neighborhood last night (San Diego, 3/16/04):

A Jeep screeching down a residential road at Mach 2 with Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" blaring from the radio at 120 decibles.

No, I didn't actually measure either of those values.

All I can say about this is "ACK!"

"Yeah, my sister bought a Harley-Davidson outfit for her chihuahua."

-- some random guy in one of the local bars, talking to his co-worker

A Town of Nakedness

"YOU ARE ALL WEARING TOO MANY CLOTHES! YOU MUST REMOVE YOUR CLOTHING! O.B. IS A TOWN OF *NAKEDNESS*!!!"

--some dude dancing around in the middle of the street yelling on a bullhorn to the crowd heading down to the beach to watch fireworks
Ocean Beach (O.B.), California

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was on a recreational pharmaceutical or ten.

Kid Logic

A neighbor, who also happens to be a co-worker, is walking up and down the street with his two little kids, the older of whom is on a snazzy, shiny, new bike with training wheels.

Me: "Hey, that's a pretty cool bike! Did you get that for Christmas?"
Kid: "Noooo...."
Me: "Oh, it didn't come from Santa Claus?"
Kid: (looking at me like I'm a total moron) "No, it came from the store!"

OK then.

Are you sure they weren't plain old cows?

I remember this conversation perfectly, and it still cracks me up every time I think about it, although it took place many years ago. My husband and I were driving up the California coast to San Francisco at the beginning of a little road trip, and somewhere on Highway 101 around San Simeon, we had this discussion:

Me = me. Duh
DH = Dear Husband (boyfriend back then, but whatever)

DH: (pointing out the passenger window) "Cool; look at those oxen."
Me: (stealing glances at the hills to the east of us as I drive but not seeing anything) "Oxen? Really? Where?"
DH: (continuing to point) "Right up there."
Me: (continuing to look, unsuccessfully) "I don't see them. Do you mean the kind with the big horns?"
DH: (looking at me as though I've lost my mind) "WHAT?!?"
Me: "I mean, how do you know they aren't just cows?"
DH: (looks at me like he's wondering where the nearest funny farm is located)
Me: (light beginning to dawn) "Wait. What exactly did you say?"
DH: "I said, 'Cool; look at those hawks.'"

Miles of hilarity ensued. A little while later, we're driving along in silence when he sees some cows on the hillside and decides to tease me.

DH: (pointing) "Hey, look! Oxen!"
Me: (thinking he's pointing to the birds circling above) "No, actually those are turkey vultures."

Words to Live By

"DO NOT knock down trees with vehicles."

-- Good advice from the two of clubs in the ITAM playing cards

Weapons of Monopoly Destruction

"We're fighting terrorists here! We need them *now*! We need to use our Monopoly pieces right this minute!"

-- A boss of mine who probably wouldn't appreciate her name showing up here.
Ft. Irwin, California